The Brightest Star

Chapter 20 - Playing Healer

(Kára's POV):
I paced the room where Loki and I had our lessons, becoming anxious for Loki's arrival. In the many weeks I had been teaching him, he had never been late before and I feared that something had happened to him. Although I knew that, as someone akin to a glorified servant, it would not be proper for me to invade his privacy. However, the longer that he made me wait, the smaller my restraint grew.

"Loki, where are you?" I tried to telepathically ask him, praying that he would hear me.

However, I received no response and, with a sigh, I gave up waiting for him and decided that I would discover what was the matter. I could no longer stand there in agony, a million scenarios running through my head as to what was keeping him. From being sent to prison to death, none of my explanations provided any comfort and instead made me more anxious to know the truth.

There were two guards stationed outside of his room who I decided to question, "has Loki left his room this morning?"

One of them shook his head, "no, my lady, I do not believe that he will be attending his lesson today."

"And why is that? I thought you had an order to escort him to his lesson everyday unless otherwise instructed by the Queen or myself," I pressed, wondering why neither of the guards had felt compelled to follow orders. "Unless the Queen told you something that she did not share with me?"

"No, my lady, but Prince Loki has taken ill and we decided that that would fall under extenuating circumstances," the guard replied, causing fear to bubble up inside of me.

"Has a healer come to see him?"

The guard shook his head, "do you really think there are any in this palace who would willingly tend to him after all he has down, he tried to kill the Crown Prince on multiple occasions."

I rolled my eyes, "that is no excuse to refuse aid if the Queen wishes for him to remain alive. Now, if you would please excuse me, I suppose the duty of being his caretaker has fallen to me."

Without waiting for a response from either of the guards, I pushed past them and barged into Loki's room, hoping that he would forgive me for invading his privacy given the circumstances. I found him lying in bed, looking far more pale and fragile that I had ever seen him. He was not sleeping, but appeared to be trying to rest, wrapped in a number of blankets and covered with a cold sweat.

"Loki," I spoke softly, rushing to the side of his bed.

His eyes fluttered open and landed on me, widening in surprise, "Kára, wh-what are you doing here?"

"You never showed up to our lesson, Loki, I was worried about you," I explained, placing my hand on his forehead to determine whether or not he had a fever. "And apparently I was correct to worry. Could you tell me your symptoms, I can try to alleviate them the best I can."

"I am fine, Kára, I am sure that this will pass. However, I fear that I am not up for a lesson this morning," he replied, trying to brush me off.

"Loki, if you think that I am simply going to walk out of here when you are clearly suffering, then you are a fool. Now, please work with me and I can try to help you, it pains me to see you like this."

"Do you mean that?" He asked, his eyes filled with a sense of sorrow that threw me off guard.

"Of course I do Loki, I cannot bare to witness you in this state," I assured him, placing my hand atop of his. His fingers curled around mine as his lips twitched up into a smile, however it soon faded into a look of pain. I took a breath, "Loki, please tell me what you feel, I need to help you."

"It is nothing that will not pass, I can assure you. Simply a bit of nausea and chills, I doubt that it is anything severe."

"Let me be the judge of that," I replied, beginning to perform some of the healing spells that I had learned growing up. They did not cure him of whatever ailment he had, but they could at least make him a bit more comfortable.

"You are quite experienced at that, have you ever considered becoming a healer?" Loki questioned as I worked my magic.

I shook my head, "I do not know nearly enough about illnesses and treatments for that, I merely know the basics having stepped in as a mother figure for my five siblings for the past few years. Besides, I did not heal you in any sense, I merely alleviated some of the discomfort. The spells will wear off before tomorrow and if your symptoms persist, I shall find you a real healer. In the meantime, I will stay with you in case there is a change in your condition and study up on various illnesses in an attempt to diagnose you."

"You do not need to do all of this for me, Kára, I do not deserve your care after the way that I have been treating you. The truth is that I wanted to avoid getting close to anyone, I wanted to avoid having anyone who I cared for. I am not a man that can risk attachments, I would only be putting them in danger."

A blush crept upon my cheeks as I listened to his heartfelt apology, but shook my head, "Loki, you are running a high fever, I am sure that you do not mean what you are saying. I appreciate the apology, but it is not called for."

"But it truly is, I have been unfairly coarse with you and above all, I took advantage of you. I made you believe that you must submit yourself to me in order to retain your position here but in reality it was merely my selfishness. I wanted you, Kára, but I could not admit that, not even to myself. But I cannot deny it any longer, Kára, I have never felt this way before."

"Please, Loki, just stop there, I cannot allow myself to believe that I might actually have a chance to be with you."

"Are you saying that you feel similarly?" He questioned, his eyes alive with hope despite his body being so weak.

"I do not know, Loki, I have never felt like this before. But I find myself feeling lulled by your voice, craving your touch, I cannot get you out of my mind. That night we shared, I submitted myself for the sake of my family, but I found myself actually experiencing a bit of pleasure, despite the fact that I thought you felt no real emotion towards me and I have never done something like that before."

His brows furrowed, "I was your first?"

"Well, I have been trying to avoid becoming a prostitute. Unless you are a consort, society tends to frown upon you once discovering that you give yourself to random men and I could not risk that. Besides, it certainly is not a life that appeals to me. Though, I suppose neither is the life of a thief. But anyway, I have never allowed anyone to have me before you came along."

"And you only did it because you thought you would lose your position here," he spoke, looking even more apologetic, if that was even possible. "Kára, I did not know, please forgive me. I have been so unbearably self-absorbed, I never even thought- I mean none of the royals would ever make it to your age without having had a few flings. Though I suppose that is mostly the men, but I have known quite a few women as well."

"Please Loki, just forget about this, it is not like we can go back and change anything. Besides, I made the choice to give myself to you, regardless of what I thought was at risk. I could have still denied you if I was willing to jeopardize this."

"I will never deserve someone like you, yet I cannot keep myself from thinking about you at every second. I have never wanted anything the way that I want you and it scares me. You would never be safe by my side and I could never forgive myself if you were hurt because of me. And yet I cannot resist the temptation of touching you, enjoying your company, squeezing whatever affection I can out of our meetings. I fear that I am falling for you, Lady Kára," Loki confessed, sitting up in his bed and leaning towards my lips, making me ache to feel his touch. However, we were interrupted by a knock at the door, tearing us apart.

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(A/N): any idea what ails Loki? (I don't know why I asked that, there's no way that you'll be able to guess it). But I hope that you're happy that Loki confessed his feelings for Kára!