I don't really drink that much but my frustration to myself lead me to finish bottles and bottles of alcohol. Galit lang ako sa sarili ko. Why? I have no plans of lying to my Fiancé but I pissed her bigtime. Let me ask you a question, naniniwala ka ba na cheating is a choice?
Ako? Pinili ko lang kung san ako liligaya. Diba nga sabi nila "Choose to be happy" kaya ganun nga ang ginawa ko, I chose to be happy kasama siya. Sabi nila bawat aksyon daw na ginagawa mo, may kaakibat na kapalit. Tinatanong ko ngayon sa sarili ko nang paulit-ulit, san ba ako nagkamali?
I just made a choice. Bakit kailangan pang manimbang? Bakit kailangang may masaktan? Bakit may kailangang iwan? Hindi ba pwede mamangka sa dalawang ilog sa legal na paraan na parang sa mga lalaking muslim? Masama na ba akong tao kung pinili ko lang ang happiness ko? Daladala ko ngayon ang bigat ng ginawa ko. 'eto na ba yung consequence na tinatawag? Kase, I just hit two birds in one stone. Bullseye. I did hit them hard. Totoo na hindi mo kayang labanan ang emosyon mo kapag pinili mong mahulog sa isang patibong na ginusto mo.
Love is a very dangerous game. Share ko lang, galit ako sa mga manloloko. Sobrang galit ko, kaya ko silang husgahan mula ulo hanggang sa kanilang internal organs, mula sa pinakamaliit hanggang sa pinakamalaki.
Maniwala ka, hindi ko maintindihan why people cheat, until it happened to me. Nangyari ito two months ago, I had a thing with someone pero hindi niya alam na may Fiancé na ako. Or should I say, sadyang hindi ko pinaalam. We did things most couple does and everything felt real. He was a boyfriend material type and I was caught up with sweetness and everything. It was getting deeper and I tried my very best to be rational and careful about the situation, but my loneliness drag me down to my pit as a cheating little boy.
It was never right. Alam ko. I tried to stop myself from being a swindler. We both agreed to stop it. We cut our ties and never spoke for about a week. We moved on and did the usual. But after some time, we came back to each other dahil alam namin sa isa't-isa na hanggang salita lang kami sa ginawa naming pansamantalang paghihiwalay. We spoke just like before. Then we agreed to stop and bid our goodbyes again.
After another week, we tried reconnecting again. Hoping this time, It might be real. But for the third time, we ended for real. We ended it because it was never right. We blocked. Erased. Deleted. That was all lasted for one month. Believe me or not, I tried my best to be smart as I can. I tried fighting my feelings. Sinubukan kong ihinto ang lahat kase maling mali iyon. It was a big and stupid mistake. And what I just did to my Fiancé can be back to him or worse, sa akin. Takot ako sa karma. Alam ko masakit manakit ng iba. I know the feeling too. Mahirap siyang pakawalan pero kailangan kase iyon ang tama.
Cheating is wrong. And there is no valid excuse to comitting one. Lahat tayo may fragile side at mahirap labanan ang puso. Sobrang hirap. But, at the end of the day no matter how hard it is we all have a choice. I choose to let go, move forward and move on. Unang beses kong mamangka sa dalawang ilog. I was so mad at myself, pero bakit masaya ako everytime that he's beside me? It was so bad. Madalas the things that makes us happy are the wrong decisions that we make.
I'm still waiting for my karma because I know I deserve one. Gusto ko lang sabihin sa inyong lahat na lahat tayo ay may choice to make things right. Masamang mag cheat. Maybe my karma is.. Hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa mapatawad ang sarili ko.
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Souvenir is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, plots, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidential.
Text Copyright.© 2019
Souvenir: a novel by
Mark Sato
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