Love

Eleven || Bulgogi: Take Two

She wasn't at work today. I didn't expect her to be. She hadn't been in over a week.

Chan-woo was at work, though. That I did expect. He hasn't missed a day. It makes me wonder where he learned to be so faithful. 

I wanted to spit on him as he passed me this morning, as I want to every morning, as he made his way to his desk. I hate him. I almost told him how much I hate him. 

I push open the office doors and begin making my way home. The usual route is crowded, as always. 

I see a beautiful woman standing in the light of a shop, looking into the window. It takes me way to long to recognize her, the woman I love. Can you even say you love someone if you don't recognize them immediately? I smile at her form. She's looking at the display dresses. She's absolutely beautiful, breathtaking. I can tell that her hair isn't brushed or, if it was, it was brushed many hours earlier. She's in her favorite pair of jeans and sweatshirt with her lucky shoes on her feet. She's gorgeous. 

I love her. 

She turns and now we're face to face. My smile leaves immediately and a small one appears across her lips when she sees me. Her pink, perfect, soft-looking lips. My heart flutters at the sight of them. I scold myself. I can't be feeling these things while she's recovering from her pain. It's not fair to her. Or to me. 

Still...I can't help but smile lightly at her smile. 

She begins to make her way over to me and my legs move me toward her as well. It's almost like she's pulling me to her by a magnetic force. 

"Hey." She plays with the sleeves of her sweater as she smiles cutely at me. My heart melts. Although she's smiling, I can see in her eyes that she wishes she was somewhere else. Her pain is clear to me as day. How could it not be? I know her better than anyone. 

"Hey. How are you?" I don't know why I ask when I already know. I know she's doing terribly. I know she's going to tell me she's doing fine. It's how these kinds of exchanges go. Every time. Every person. 

She sighs and nods slowly. "I'm fine." But she's not fine. I can see it in the way she looks at her feet, at her favorite shoes. At the shoes she loves. I wish for a second that I'm the shoes on her feet so that she'll look at me and choose me over anything else. I want to be her first choice. 

"Y/n...are you doing okay?" 

As I speak, she turns away from me and walks down the street, away from me. My chin falls down to meet my chest. I'm an idiot. 

But then she turns back to me with a wistful smile on her face. "You coming?" 

My brow furrows at the smile, but I don't hesitate to jog and walk beside her. "Where are we going?" 

"You cool with dinner? It's been a while since we've eaten together. I miss you." 

My heart leaps when she says those words, even though my mind knows it's platonic. I look down at my feet to mask the small smile creeping onto my cheeks. We walk through the busy streets and end at a small, nearly empty restaurant. I recognize it. She broke down here. The first time. 

"Hey, are you sure you want to come here? We could go somewhere else. There are a hundred little places like this." I don't want my mind to be flooded with images of her broken heart while we eat. I want us to both feel light. 

She sighs. "Yes. I want to make good memories here. I don't want to pass this place and always feel...heavy." 

She pushes open the door and I follow her in hesitantly. The waitresses recognize us, I can see it in their eyes. They seat us in the same place as last time, only adding to my unease.