Spiderson Oneshots

Guilt--Peter

Warnings: Death and self-hate

Peter's P.O.V.

Sometimes, I think that if I'd done something different, this never would've happened. If I'd taken a moment to reflect, I could have saved them. Why did I have powers if I couldn't help with them? What was the point at all? What if I hadn't not listened to Tony? What if I had not let my instincts lead me?

The pain was unbearable. Stone was pressing into my back, shoving my face into the hard floor of the collapsed building. The place had once been beautiful, a concert hall of beautifully crafted wood and hues of red and gold that made it seem like a palace. However, the most beautiful places fall first.

I'd been walking down the street when I had seen the reflection. The moonlight had reflected off the silver bomb casing, and I'd let my instincts take hold. The suit had come into view in a second, and I had become a different person. I ran into the hall, past the vendors and the ticket sellers.

A pianist was soloing. It was beautiful--the keys seemed to sing under her touch, and the audience was spellbound. For a moment, I was too. If I hadn't hesitated, I could've saved her. I had a duty, and that called for interruption. I had called out, and the music had stopped at my cry. Panic had erupted, and I had shot to the roof with my webs.

People were running. The band was jumping from the stage...except for the pianist. I hurried to her, seeing that her skirt had been caught. Dust rained down as we heard the faint sound of the bomb exploding. The girl--she was my age--had eyes that reflected sadness. "Go on. Forget about me and save the others." I didn't move, and she shoved me from the stage as the ceiling fell on her. I heard only her short scream cut short and the earth-shaking crash as the rubble fell. My side was bruised from being pushed yet I rose again. 

Another sound of a bomb and another part of the ceiling fell in. More screams, more guilt. I swung from the roof again to the entrance, pushing people through the doors as another bomb went off. The ceiling was caving in. I had to get these people out. There were yells as I pushed more people away.

When the ceiling caved in, it was only me left in there. I caught what I could, my arms straining. I couldn't hold this. But the people were safe at least.

I screamed as I shook myself from the memory, my arms exhausted, my back on fire, from holding the roof. "Karen," I murmured. "Contact Mister Stark."

"What should I tell him?"

"Tell him I'm sorry that I couldn't do more."

"Should I tell him your location?"

"Yes, please." Stars danced in my vision, and I felt sick. I choked on dust, black creeping up in my eyesight. "Please," I whispered, my legs giving out and the rock crushing me. I heard ribs snap, and I let out an agonized scream, my vision going black.

---~---~---

Red and blue flashing lights lit up my vision. I heard footsteps on the rock and the bark of dogs. Claws clicked on the stone, closer and closer. "I found him!" There were more shouts and sounds moving toward me. My vision went black again.

---~---~---

"Peter." It sounded like someone was crying. "My boy."

"May, he's alive, but you can't stay with him. We need to have someone heal him."

"No, you can't make me leave him!"

"Please." Footsteps sounded, the sounds getting quieter and quieter. I could hardly see, my eyes swollen shut. But I didn't hear any breathing, so I assumed I was alone.

"Where are the doctors?" I heard someone say distantly. Another pair of footsteps.

"If I may, Stark, I believe I have the means to heal him," a voice said, reminding me of a snake. Silence, and then:

"Do what you must."

"Wow." I couldn't recognize the voice, but I felt hands on my head. "Peter." The hands pressed my temples, and I winced, yet didn't move. Through my swollen eyes, I saw golden light. I relaxed, letting the pain wash away, out again.

---~---~---

"My boy, my baby boy. He's alive. Thank you!" I heard the sigh of relief but didn't move. The pain was gone, but the guilt remained. The pianist, the civilians, gone. My brow creased, and I tensed. This was all my fault. I could have been quicker, I could have saved them.

I was a pretty worthless superhero if I couldn't save the people I swore to protect. Happiness did not wash over me like the others. I wish I'd died with them. Lives lost--lives I could've saved--and I was still alive. Who cares about me being alive? It should've been me.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. If you would, I would appreciate a vote or comment if you did enjoy. Have a wonderful day!