call out my name (billie eilish girl x girl)

sleepover

chapter song inspo: sleepover, hayley kiyoko

"Even when you're next to me, it's not the way I'm picturing."

Billie's POV:

Hannah leaves me breathless with three words, but not the three words I wish she would have said to me. I don't want to be alone unless I'm alone with her.

She drags her suitcase off the edge of the bed and turns away from me, moving towards the door slow enough for me to stop it if I can find the words to do so.

"Hannah, please."

"Please what? Tell me what you want out of this," she whirls around to look at me through puffy eyes rimmed in red.

I don't know what I want, I don't know anything at all. But if she leaves out the door, there will be nothing left to question.

"Stay," I beg, rushing towards her to reach out for her hand. She drops her hand off the suitcase handle and holds mine, and my thumb traces patterns on the back of her hand. Maybe I could just spell it out in letters instead of speaking.

Even when you hold my hand, I just feel alone, feel alone.

"You can't only want me when I'm leaving," Hannah responds, pulling her hand out of mine.

God, that's not what I'm doing, even though it looks like that to her. But I made her think that.

"You don't understand, okay? I do want you, all the time, I feel the same feelings you do. And that's what scares me," I explain, trying my best to open up. Hannah bites her lip and her shoulders shake but she looks back at me.

"You aren't the only one that's scared, Billie."

I don't know why, but hearing her say that is the tipping point, and I know I'm about to cry like a little bitch.

"So be scared with me..." I offer weakly through sniffles. When she doesn't answer, I stare at the ground and turn around to walk towards my bed.

The sound of her suitcase dropping to the floor is music to my ears.

Right as I turn back around she jumps into me, her legs wrapping around my waist as her body leans against mine. Her fingertips press my eyes closed before she kisses me so hard we fall back onto my bed. I don't want to call it mine anymore, I want it to be ours.

I want every night to be a sleepover. I want to wake up next to her every morning and pick out our outfits together before going down to breakfast. I want her to be with me every minute up until going on stage, and to know that she's watching me from backstage. And even if the world can't know her, I want to know her.

Hannah pulls apart to take a breath and stares into my eyes, like she read my thoughts, and maybe she did because she pulls my head to her chest and plants a soft kiss on my forehead. My breaths still come out short and hitched from crying, but they start to slow as I breathe wrapped up in her arms.

"Just sleep, Billie. I'm not going to leave you," Hannah whispers in my ear, lifting some of my hair back so her lips brush over my cheek.

"I'm s-sorry," I cry, right as she tilts my chin up to look into her eyes.

"Don't be, I understand. I'm not mad anymore, I was just confused and hurt."

"I don't want to hurt you," I say it like a promise, or a wish, or both.

"You won't," she responds.

She doesn't sound completely sure but I'll do anything to keep that promise.

At least I got you in my head.