call out my name (billie eilish girl x girl)

i know a place part one

inspo: i know a place, conan gray (listen to it or i'll break your kneecaps)

~

I'm tired of fear, grasping for safe, familiar

Hannah's POV:

"Aren't you gonna check your phone?" I ask Billie, back inside our room. I wring out my hair with a towel as she collapses face first on the bed, shaking her head no. I sit on the edge and nudge her shoulders, for her to get up and get dry. She sits up and I hold her in my arms, her lips fading blue from being soaked and cold. I wrap my towel around her shoulders and kiss her cheek, reaching for her phone.

"No, leave it," she quickly pulls it out from my hand and I give her a weird look.

"I just... I have a bad feeling, and I don't wanna make it a reality, not right now. I just wanna be with you in peace, even if it's fake calm," she explains and I nod, then pull her wet sweatshirt over the top of her head, tossing her a dry baggy t-shirt to put on. Billie lifts up her wrist to check her watch and whistles, telling me it's 3 a.m. now.

"Let's just go to sleep then, okay?" I ask and she agrees, tugging me back in bed and pulling the covers up high. I think we both can sense something's gone wrong, but she's right. Sometimes it's nice to just pretend everything's fine even when it's not.

I close my eyes, breathing into her chest and smiling at the chlorine smell radiating off of us. I feel the weight of the ring on my finger, heavy with hopes of finding somewhere we won't have to hide and be afraid. We'll always be a mess, but now we're an official mess.

You are like me, oh, could we leave?

***

I wake up and a rush of panic fills me when I notice Billie is missing beside me. Rubbing my eyes, I check the time and curse, seeing that it's almost noon. Billie bursts out of the bathroom, red eyes from crying and my heart falls apart. I jump out of bed, a little fast, and feel the world start spinning as the blood rushes to my head.

"Billie, what is it?" I ask, cautious. She shoves her screen in front of my face, and I breathe out, seeing pictures of us in the pool from last night. It's a series, it tells a pretty obvious story, one we can't lie away. Me pulling her in. Pushing her hair back. The ring. Kissing. Laughing.

I feel so violated, like this moment I wanted to remember for the rest of my life is splattered all across the internet for strangers to criticize. Billie's hand trembles and she drops the phone, falling into my chest. I try to be strong for the both of us and hold her up, running my hand over her hair. I try to speak "it's gonna be okay" but the words get lodged in the back of my throat.

We both know it's not going to be okay. That's all I know, the only sure thing. Everything else is up for grabs, ready to get torn to shreds.

Her phone starts buzzing and anger is evident on her red cheeks as she raises a foot to smash it when I dive down and pick it up before she can do anything. I see it's from Finneas, and go to check the messages. My eyes widen, reading the one from last night.

If only we would've stayed inside. I look to Billie, whos's a wreck, cradling her knees close to her chest as she rocks back and forth on the floor, still sobbing. My thumb hovers over the message and I delete it, not wanting her to have to live with the guilt from that. I read the next ones.

Fin: okay so new plan...

i have a car parked for you outside with the keys in it, but the paps are still there waiting

i'm gonna distract them and you need to get out of here asap, u probably have 2 min at best

i'll say when

I text back an okay so he knows, and drop the phone on the bed, kneeling to Billie. I pull her hands away from her face and she tries to fight back and cover herself up.

"Billie, stop," I try to get her to stand but she turns her cheek away from me.

"No! It's all ruined! Every time, I just want to catch a fucking break!" she screams, a little too loud, and I try and shush her.

"Fin has a car for us, we need to go, okay? Billie, we'll be alright, we'll run away from here. It'll work out. We'll just wait all of this out, wait until it's safe to come back. They're gonna make it legal, and then we'll be okay, we just need to stay on the down low for a while," I make up a plan as I speak, kind of impressed with myself at it. Billie bobs her head up, a hopeful smile across her face. She tries to speak but her voice cracks and she coughs so I put a finger to her lips.

"We need to hurry, when Fin tells us to go, we only have two minutes. Can you stand up?" I speak softly, and she slowly nods, letting me pull her up to her feet. She starts to pace the room, twisting her rings 'round her fingers, growing more and more sure of herself with each second. I move quick, packing what we have, which isn't that much left, but I have her, so it's enough.

Fin: ready?

"Billie, look at me," I cup her face in my hands and she sniffles, reeling from crying so hard.

"I'm sorry, I just wanted last night to be special..." she starts to feel guilty but I glare at her and she smiles a tiny bit at the look.

"I wouldn't change a thing, okay? We just gotta keep trying until we get our happy ending," I console her and a single tear drips down her cheek. I rub it away with my sleeve before it makes its way to her chin.

I text him back, saying 'now' and wait a couple seconds, lifting the blinds up an inch to make sure the coast is clear. When there's no one there, I hurry to open the door, bag in one hand, Billie's hand latched onto my other. We spot the car right away and fly down the stairs, until Billie trips behind me.

"Fuck, fuck," she curses, clutching onto her ankle in pain. I can hear the reporters swarming to Finneas, yelling questions in his face, while he tries to keep them busy.

I don't know what gets into me but this crazy adrenaline state drives me wild, and I grab her bag and sling it over my shoulder. Then I bend down and pick her up while she still clutches her ankle, burying her head in my chest while I run with her the rest of the way. I set her down in front of the car, starting to panic even more.

"Billie, I don't know how to drive..." I admit at the worst possible moment. She mumbles a curse and hobbles over to the drivers seat, so I quickly duck into the passenger side and toss our bags into the backseat. When we're inside, Billie shoots me a half-smile, glad at least that she hurt her left foot so she can still drive.

"Mamas, you're two months older than me and you never learned how to--"

"Billie, I swear to fucking god, start the damn car!" I whisper-yell, even though no one can probably hear us. I don't trust anything anymore. She grins and turns the key, pulling calmly out of the lot, which is smart so no one can see us peel away and get suspicious. When we're safely at least a mile away, I can finally breathe again. But then the other fears start to trickle in, like how we're going to pull this off. I have no ideas, no solid plan, so I look to Billie.

"Where are we gonna go?" my voice cracks towards the end, the emotions still rushing through me from running off so fast. Billie's the calm one now, and she catches my eye for just a second before making a turn.

"I know a place."

The sea will sing our minds to sleep, I know a place we could go...

Could we go home?