call out my name (billie eilish girl x girl)

wasted times

wasted times, the weeknd

tw: there's graphic depictions of physical abuse in this so be safe, if you want to skip that part, you can get the gist of what happened if you skip to Billie's POV, love you and hope you're all okay <3

Wasted times, I spent with someone else, he wasn't even half of you

Hannah's POV:

"Was it her? Were you talking to Billie?"

I don't answer his questions, because I'm not a good liar and I need to get out of this okay. I crack my knuckles against my thigh, feeling sweaty and shaky. I open my mouth to respond but the words don't come out and he's impatient.

"Was it her!" he screams up close to my face and I flinch, keeping my eyes trained on the ground. I nod slightly, and feel his hot breath sting my cheek. I try to back away but I'm already against the wall.

"So what? Your girlfriend comes back and that's it? We're done?" Justin spits out in disbelief even though I never even explained what happened.

"No, I--"

He doesn't let me finish, slamming my head against the corner between the door and the wall.

"Tell me the truth!"

This time I meet his eyes, and I see that no matter what I say, he won't believe me. I can't live like this, maybe I could take it, but I'm not going to, not anymore. When he closes in on me again I spit in his face, my lips shaking as soon as I do it and judge his reaction.

I try to dodge the next hit but I'm too slow, and I fall to the floor, my head spinning and blood running down my forehead. He kicks me in the side but I keep trying to stand, even when he doesn't stop. I raise my hand in surrender and he bends over, lifts up my chin with his fingers.

"Don't lie to me."

I feel this surge of anger amidst the dizzy, sickening feeling, and before I even know what I'm saying I unleash everything I've been keeping in.

"Okay, you want the truth? I fucking love Billie, and she's not 'my girlfriend.' She's my soulmate. It makes me sick thinking about all the time I wasted with you, letting you take advantage of me, when I could've been with her," I snap, practically on fire with anger, but contained. Unlike him, my anger serves a purpose and I only use it when necessary, in the right situations. He laughs and I clench my fists.

"Do you forget how she left you broken? I fixed you, and now you're gonna let her break you again?" he scowls. I start to stand when he pushes my shoulder into the wall so I'm on my back.

"You didn't fix me! And she didn't break me. I'm still fucking here, despite you."

"Fine, leave," he says almost too simply, opening up the door and backing away from me. "But don't forget what I know, and what I could do with that information," he finishes with a smirk, because there's always a catch. I stand to my feet even though my legs shake and my head is pounding.

"I'd rather be in prison for loving her than be in this prison with you," I hiss, and as soon as the words come out I feel the slap against my cheek, and my chin crashes against the door. I squeeze my eyes shut, and shove past him, not regretting what I said even though blood drips down my chin.

He slams the door shut and I feel dizzy, like I could collapse on the steps right now. I tilt my head to the sky and breathe in, and force myself to move my feet. It's like they know exactly where to go. Or who to go to.

After walking for what feels like forever and flipping off people cat-calling me on the streets, I get to her house. I just know in my gut that it's it, like it radiates safety from a mile away. I stumble to her doorway, pressing the bell, and resting my head against the door. A few seconds pass without an answer and I worry that its too late or maybe my gut feeling was wrong.

Then the door flies open and the only thing supporting me is gone, and my legs give out on me.

"Hannah? What are y-- oh my god, shit, fuck, are you okay?" I hear Billie's voice and I can't help but smile up at her but I taste blood in my mouth and I cough some of it up on my sleeve.

"You're not okay, shit, okay, let me get you up, okay?"

"Okay," I grin at the number of okays. I don't know if I should feel beaten and broken like my body is, but inside I feel like I finally made it back home. Billie's arms slip under mine to lift me up but it's too quick of a movement, and now I'm really seeing st--

***

Billie's POV:

Just as I start to lift her up, Hannah's body slumps back done.

"Hannah?" I call out her name, but she doesn't respond.

"Fuck," I whisper, but I feel this strange sense that everything is gonna be okay now. I set her back down and reposition my hands under her, and lift her body into my arms and carry her into my bedroom, crashing into shit on the way there.

I try my best to lightly set her on the bed, and then start to run to the bathroom to get stuff to clean her up and stop the bleeding in places. But as I'm walking out the doorway, I hear her finally call my name back to me.

"Billie?" she whimpers, shifting on top of the covers. She raises a hand to her head, looking at the blood that transfers to her fingertips. I jog back over to her, tripping over a pair of shoes, but quickly get back up.

Hannah looks at me through puffy, bloodshot eyes, bruises starting to form already on her skin. It kills me to see her this way, and I wish I could take it all instead of her. But she's here, she's really here. My eyes are puffy too, from crying the whole way back to my house and nonstop until I heard the doorbell ring. We're both pretty fucked up right now, but we're together.

I push back some of her strands, watching her lips shake and tears start to form in her eyes, until I find a clear patch of skin on her head and lean in to kiss it.

"It hurts," Hannah sighs, and I nod through my tears, twirling pieces of her hair around my finger. I try to hold her head as light as possible so that she can feel my touch but not in a painful way. Sucking in my bottom lip, I try to be strong for her and not let my tears fall.

"I know, baby, I'm sorry. But it's gonna be okay, you're safe now, you're with me," I comfort her, conveying the pent up feelings I built up in my head. She nods and flinches from the pain, but her hand finds mine and she squeezes it weakly.

"I don't wanna leave again, Bil," she cries, then coughs up, reminding me I need to help take some of the pain away as best I can.

"You can stay, Hannah. Stay with me for as long as you want me," I honestly admit, because I've learned through this all that you can't force someone to stay with you. You need to let them go, and if they come back, maybe it's meant to be.

"Forever," Hannah smiles, then drops her head back against the pillow, groaning in pain. I give her hand one more squeeze and rush to the bathroom.

As I'm grabbing bandages, I pause at my reflection in the mirror. My perception changes every time; sometimes I hate myself, sometimes I'm just okay with myself, and sometimes I just feel nothing. But right now, it feels different. I feel different. I look like a shitty mess, but I kinda like it. I like who I am now, and I know this feeling won't last forever, but it feels pretty damn good right now.

When I get back, Hannah fell asleep. I use a washcloth to wipe off the dried blood as soft as possible to not wake her. It takes a long time, but when I finally finish, I crawl in bed next to her, and try to get close but not too close to hurt her.

After she flinches when I put my arm on her waist, I suck in a breath, and carefully lift up her shirt to examine her stomach. I get so heated my vision is tainted red, all from the purple bruises coating almost her entire stomach.

He hurt my girl.

I need to hurt him.