call out my name (billie eilish girl x girl)

fools

chapter song inspo: fools, troye sivan

"Only fools fall for you, only fools fall."

Hannah's POV:

I wanted to wake up in the morning and pretend that nothing changed yesterday, especially since I don't know the reason why they did. I'd feel better if I knew what I did to upset her so I'd at least be able to maybe fix things. The worst problems are the ones that you can feel the effects of but not the "why."

Billie shared a room with me, but I got to it before she did last night. I stayed up waiting until she came in and crashed on the opposite bed. It feels weird knowing she was in my dreams when she could've just been right next to me instead. I've been on my own forever so why does it hurt now?

She's still asleep but I know she has to be up by 8, and I debate whether or not I should be the one to wake her. I can't make things any worse, so fuck it I guess.

"Hey, you up?" I call out to her, and when she doesn't respond I sit at the edge of her bed, shaking her shoulder until she starts to move. I expect her to either lash out or say nothing, but she gives me a lazy smile and pulls the covers over her shoulders to sit up next to me.

"Now I am, for you," Billie whispers, leaning in to rest her forehead on mine. Her hand slips around my waist and pulls me closer into her. Almost on instinct, I throw my arms around her and hold her tight in case this is just a mistake. I hate not knowing if each time I touch her it'll be the last.

"For me?"

"I'd wake up at fucking six to see you, mamas," she grins, pulling out of the hug to place her hand on my cheek. I lean against her palm and kiss her wrist, then look back into her eyes that gives me chills everytime.

"You had me worried after the show, I thought..." I don't finish the sentence because I don't want to remember how it felt, I want to keep this feeling.

"What do you mean?" she asks, letting go of me as she stands and stretches with her back turned to me.

I raise an eyebrow, a little annoyed that she wants to pretend like nothing happened without a real explanation.

"I don't know, you were like--acting like you hate me," I finally say it, cringing as soon as I do. She whips her hair across her shoulder and jumps back on the bed, tackling me with a big smile across her face.

"I could never hate you, you realize that right? Like I don't think that's even possible at this point," Billie promises, and I really want to believe her. I'm going to try and just forget yesterday if that's what she wants.

"Okay I just--"

"Let's get breakfast," she cuts in, digging through her suitcase she carefully picks out each piece of clothing until she finds the right ones.

"Okay," I smile, even though it feels a little forced. The kind of smile that aches in your cheeks because it takes work to hold it in place without letting it fall down.

***

When we get to the venue for today, I feel like a lost puppy chasing after Billie as she constantly moves around from place to place. It's been so great with her today that yesterday feels just like a bad dream, like it's too far from reality to have actually happened.

She finally sits down on a couch next to me and lays with her head on my lap, scrolling through Instagram. I love it when she laughs and lifts up her screen to show me a meme or when her eyes widen at an outfit and she whispers "this is fire," to herself. I pretend to be looking at my own phone but watching Billie is more interesting.