Letters to My Life

13. Confiden(ce)tial

SO! YOU HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM! 

Join the club my friend, it happens to us all. 

I really don't know how to write this chapter without repeating the same random stuff I've already said. In all sincerity, the best possible option is to be open about your feelings and surround yourself with good things. Do anything that you enjoy!

*A shoulder angel whispers from far away, "Listen to BTS, they cure cancer"* 

So it's actually funny, that I'm texting this guy right now who - ironically, after the last chapter - asked me on a date (More info in one of the last announcements I posted), and we're discussing confidence and our experiences and such. Both of us are very sarcastic, kind of cocky individuals, and we're telling each other how we used to be the shy, quiet kids who never said anything because we thought too much of what everyone thought. And he made a great point: Do what you want because in a minute or so, they aren't going to remember what you just said. (Also he said I'm the funniest girl he's ever met. I am dead now). But I think it's really important to remember that as long as you don't care, no one else is going to.

The more you hone in on one thing, the more attention you're drawing to it. Like if you have a piece of pepper in your teeth. The more you reach up to pick it, the more people are gonna notice. Eventually your gums will start to bleed and then people start asking questions. It's like that with your confidence too. The more insecure you act the more people start to notice. Even if you're the most anxious person in the world, acting like you don't have a care in the world makes you appear more confident. When you do that, you start to notice that not everyone is watching you to see if you screw up. And once that happens, you start to feel confident instead of just acting like it.

That doesn't seem like a very secure method, but - as always - from personal experience, I can tell you it works. After a while I just stopped caring. It's not that easy to just give up all your worries. It is possible though. That doesn't mean that all your worries will suddenly disappear either. Even the most confident people get stressed and have burdens. I have so many things that I stress over, like it's not even funny.

Value Isn't Worth

You're a penny

Shiny, new, blinding

Yet, you frown

and why

No one values you

Lesser, odd, dimming

And, you think

but why

Dollars are valued more

Expensive, crisp, easy

So, you think

why

Dollars are spent on fancy things

They are worth nothing

Valued but

no meaning

Pennies are spent on moments

They are worth it all

Not valued but

more meaning

- a poem by Samantha Bond