Letters to My Life

22. The Most Lonely Creature in the World

I would like to formally apologize for the number of chapters with heavy subjects that I've been publishing lately. I've just had a LOT of topics that I felt needed to be discussed. That being said, let's jump right into this topic!

We've all felt it. Being lonely sucks. I'm not discussing depression in this one, because I know you've heard enough about that. I'm just talking about that general lonely feeling.

The advice I always hear seems simple, but once you look at it, it's complicated. I always hear: if you wanna have friends, just be yourself. If you wanna have a boy/girlfriend, just be yourself. If you want to have a good time, just be yourself. But that's hard in the society we live in, where being yourself isn't always "acceptable". There will always be someone that doesn't like you. It's unavoidable. And with that comes the realization that there is always someone that disagrees with you. 

I think it's easy to feel alone. Even adults feel alone. I remember once that my mom told me that she only had a few good friends. Sure she still talked to her high school friends, but she didn't hang out with anyone anymore. That may also be because she's busy homeschooling the little kids and costuming for the theater. 

When people say to just be yourself if you want friends, it's sort of true even if it may take a while for you to accept yourself and be fully comfortable in your skin. Your true self attracts others. Maybe not everyone, but definitely some people.

"Birds of a feather flock together". Usually, surrounding yourself with people who make negative choices will influence you. When looking for friends, you only want to hang around the people that bring you up. If you're - morally - the best one in your circle of friends, it's probably time to keep a little distance. I'm not saying be rude to them, but maybe don't skip class and go to parties with those people. In a friend group, you should always be looking for people that lift you up and influence you for good. 

Of course, not everyone is perfect. If you're looking for flawless friends, I'm sorry to disappoint you. They don't exist. You can't expect your friends to make all the right choices and say all the right things. If they are, they're most-likely robots or from another dimension. However, if they're not even trying to be better people or trying to make good choices, that's where you need to step away. Because eventually, if you don't, you'll end up paying. 

I used to be friends with a couple of people that seemed pretty alright at the time. We had awesome fun. We would hang out after class. We would go to movies together. But, after a while, I found that they liked to drink (illegally, because they were underage), vape, they cussed a lot (which I always try to avoid because it makes me uncomfortable) and they slept around with a bunch of questionable people. 

Now, I loved these guys. They were really nice to me and never really pressured me to do anything I was uncomfortable with. But hanging around them kind of put a bad influence on me. I started having small temptations, like thoughts, that came as "what if I tried to vape one day? I wonder what the flavors are like." And stuff along those lines. It wasn't until one day when I cussed out loud accidentally that I realized I was starting to follow their patterns. So I decided I wasn't going to hang out with them as often. I wasn't mean. I wasn't ignoring them. But if they invited me places I would politely decline, even if I had to make up an excuse. I really only saw them after class. And then they transferred to universities and I didn't have to worry about it anymore. 

I'm not sure how far I would have gone if I had continued to hang around them. I'm still friends with them, but we're not close anymore and I never really talk to them. I'm glad I kept myself safe.

Dear Future Me,

Hopefully, you're not always lonely. Everyone feels lonely sometimes, but it doesn't mean you're alone. I can't imagine being alone all the time.