My Bad Boy Werewolf Quadrillionaire Space Lord

Homeward Bound

"It seems he wishes our aid," Alcuard said to me.

"Aww, does that mean we're his friends?" I asked, and I was surprised at how mixed my emotions were about that thought. Luca Cardego lacked for nothing, after all, except authenticity. That he could be willing to trust us so much that he would ask for our help made me feel a little giddy.

"It may. As awkward as our relationship is, I would like to think of him as a friend. You as well," Alcuard said to me.

"This doesn't get you out of paying me," I said to him with a pointed finger, but my own happiness had leaked onto my face and pulled my mouth into a smile. "Buddy," I admitted after a moment.

"Then let's go help a friend in need," Alcuard said.

I didn't want for anything else at that point, but stepped through the portal.

And found myself in a clearing, surrounded by trees on all sides. The hills beyond seemed to stretch on for hundreds of miles, even though I knew I couldn't see that far with the curvature of the Earth. Those hills eventually rose into snow-capped mountains, clad in fog. The sun had only set minutes ago, and the sky was still bright enough to appreciate the vista from one magnificent horizon to the other.

"Holy shit," I said.

"Welcome to Buntzen Lake," a voice said from her right. She turned to see Luca was sitting by a campfire, with what looked like a surprisingly elaborate looking meal cooking slowly on a metal grate.

I could see hot dogs, lightly toasted buns, at least two hamburgers, and chargrilled asparagus smothered in what I suspected was garlic and oil. "Antonio sent you a care package?"

"He insisted on the asparagus," Luca admitted, and he turned back to glance at the makeshift stove. "Have to admit, the only Scotsman alive ashamed of being one does know his food. Viviana also left about three pints worth of blood."

I shrugged and sat down on a nearby log.

"I'll pass," Alcuard said, and he sat down across from Luca. "Your collection of vapid virgin plasma is likely to put me in a diabetic coma if I drink any more."

"Viviana thought you might say that. This batch is a donation from some of her friends she meets up with occasionally from her university days," Luca explained. "Seems they were happy to donate in exchange for a strip-tease."

I sputtered and laughed, as Alcuard somehow went paler. "I shall decline," the vampire said.

"I'm kidding," Luca said. "Viviana showed them some of the security footage of our lightsaber duel, and they said you had to do it again. One of her friends is a mother of the kid who flew the Red Baron's plane."

"I accept this bargain." Alcuard took one of the bags, popped the cap off the top, and began sucking it back. He leaned back and smiled contentedly.

"More to your tastes?" I asked.

"Indeed," Alcuard said happily. "Bitter notes of small frustrations, sweet notes of stolen joys, an undercurrent of confidence, and very few regrets. I would enjoy this one."

In the meantime, I took one of the hotdogs, sat back, and started to munch happily. "So," I said with my mouth only half full of food, "why don't you tell us what brought you here?"

"This is the Buntzen Lake nature preserve," Luca said, and he pointed out towards the lake that I had somehow missed while scanning the horizon. Probably because my view of it was hidden behind the portal that had disappeared already. "Still has a working hydroelectric plant from the early 1900s. And on every full moon since I was eight years old, I have come here to spend the hours of the full moon."