My Bad Boy Werewolf Quadrillionaire Space Lord

Revelations

By the fucking starless abyss at the heat death of the verse, If I didn't murder BIRD right away it was only because being shoved into the drive core of a spaceship was too quick a death!

Perhaps I'd see if I could add some kind of pain protocol to the little monster, just so I could leave it on and fire him off into the dark emptiness of space and leave him to spend the next billion years in the empty void between galaxies screaming in pain. But unable to actually scream.

Because you know, it's space.

BIRD circled over our heads a couple of times, before landing on my shoulder. "Uh oh, did I arrive at exactly the wrong time?"

"I'm honestly not sure you want to be in arms reach of her right now," Luca said. And I did enjoy hearing that note of regret in his voice. Overall, it's good that he's so stoic, but he can damn well pine over me at least a little.

"Okay, classic interruption of a kissing scene. Another point towards romance," BIRD said, not bothering to get up and escape my wrath.

"Hell hath no fury," I began to say.

"Yeah yeah, I read that in Scorned. Pretty sure you don't have it that bad," BIRD replied. "Anyway, I thought I should report that-"

BIRD's monologue was interrupted when Luca grabbed it by the wings, pinned it between his fingers, and picked it up. He looked the machine in the eyes, and his grin was pretty much exactly as feral as it had been when he was a werewolf. "So, birdbrain. Who are you working for?"

"Isabella. My owner. Obviously," BIRD said sarcastically. And I mean sarcastically for BIRD, which meant the snark was so palpable it could spit in your face.

"Cute. Except that you're an advanced AI with a quantum entangled link to massive remote server resources and personality protocols that indulge in a metaphysical side project. Which is so expensive I'm the only person alive who could afford it singlehandedly," Luca said. He was definitely enjoying this conversation. "And since I'd have seen that on my expense reports, it means you're working with more than one billionaire. Or even a cabal of them."

"Bet they call themselves something stupid, like the Brotherhood of Billionaires," I added.

Somehow, despite being a mechanical bird, the look of shock on its face was so easy to read it might as well have been written up on a billboard. "Really?" I asked, both amused and appalled.

Luca gave me an enthusiastic high-five.

"Well, that was embarrassing," BIRD said. And something about the little mechanical monster changed. Its tone of voice dropped slightly, its speech became a little more controlled, a little more menacing, and the LED lights around its eyes changed from light blue to a dark, menacing red.

"I suppose it's past time I accorded you the respect you've earned," BIRD said. "And I ought to apologize for having brought us to this unfortunate impasse. I regret that I have to cause you misfortune in order to achieve my aims, but you know what they say about omelettes."

"Pretty sure nothing in the universe that actually lays eggs says that," I replied.

"You're probably right," BIRD admitted. "And I'm not even sure why I chose that metaphor. Kinda worried it was just to make me sound more like a villain, since I'm a bird talking about breaking eggs."

"Okay, birdbrain. How about you tell us who you're working for?" Luca asked.

"Yeah," I added. "Before we pour salt-water in your circuits and torture you for fun."

"We can't torture it," Luca said.

"Why not?" I asked indignantly. The damn thing had interrupted a Disney Princess worthy kiss. It deserved to be turned into molten slag, reconstructed, and melted down again.