Talks with the Mirror

Eleven my dude: Undateable

2019

I have come to believe that I am hopeless. At least in the romantic area of life. Or maybe a few others, but right now we'll focus on this one.

I have the worst luck in dating. Because I basically don't date at all. I can't honestly say that I have ever been on a date. Even if I've been in exactly two short-lived relationships, no one ever took the time to take me out. In the date sense, and the kill sense.

And now, in the age of online dating, everything is even harder for me - an avid believer that things like these should develop in person, rather than through a screen and with thousands of kilometers between us.

I can't be the only one who feels this way, which I guess makes me feel less lonely. But the matter at hand is that I am lonely as fuck, picky as hell, and destined to be forever alone because I also only happen to fall for people who aren't planning on staying long enough so I can make them mine.

Long distance is not for me. The whole point of me getting into a relationship is so I can take care of your physical and emotional needs. And vice versa. So if we are gonna be together, I don't want it to be 3 months at a time. I might be a virgin, but I don't plan to be my whole life, and I'm tired of relying on exercise to get rid of stress.

Is my twenty year old sexual angst coming through loud and clear? Well, I don't give a rat's ass.

I either fall for someone and then my parents move me across the world, or someone comes around who is really awesome and that I'm actually into, and they have a limited time to stay. Why the fuck is this my fucking life? 

I have done everything that is required to be a good-karma person. I help out who I can. I am fair. I am loyal. I am giving. And somehow life just wants to fuck with me in the thing that I happen to want the most. Yes, I want to be a soccer player, but I know that someday I'll hang the boots and I wanna have a wife to go home to.

I want someone to dedicate my goals to.

I want someone to make breakfast for.

Someone to annoy and love.

And the fact that every time I am invested enough in a person to want to share some TLC with her she has to go away is starting to make me go insane. Or maybe I should specify to them that I am not looking for anything temporary or long-distance. Or tell them that if they aren't ready to cuff, then they better find the door. I want a partner, not a fuck-buddy. Is it so hard to get? I know I don't drink or smoke. I don't enjoy parties either but, maybe, it's because you're not there.