Talks with the Mirror

Chapter XXIII - When someone is your forever

There is nothing like the thrill of the first kiss. The first hug. The first "risky" touch. The first time realizing that the flirting was more than just jokes. Everything is so new and exciting. The mere thought of it triggers butterflies in your stomach because you don't know what might happen next. This person's flavour takes over you mind, and your heart pumps harder than ever before. It's the beginning.

Sharing your first "anything" with someone is an experience without comparison. It's the very top tier of sensations. You will dream of it forever because it marks you forever. Sitting together, now completely comfortable around each other, you and your partner will think back to your firsts, and sometimes even wish to get to experience it again. Of course, being in a monogamous relationship, you won't ever get to experience these specific firsts again. They are gone and you should not be mad about it.

All of these firsts are the beginning of a forever with someone. Throughout the course of forever, you will share many more. First moving out together. First child. First fight. First make-up. First funeral. First and only wedding. First dance. First family trip. So many firsts. If in order to share all of these first experiences with one person, I have to give up on sharing adrenaline filled first kisses and hook-ups with a bunch of strangers who will never mark my heart, write me down as unsingle forever.

Sure, the first stage of dating is exhilarating with the mystery and hanging possibilities. But try creating traditions of cuddles to movies you have already watched, that is the real gold. You see, lust is just an ingredient, not the whole cake. Being able to talk to someone about anything, because they have taken the time to know you, is the best feeling in the world. Having someone already understand why something might make you uncomfortable because they pay attention to your stories is irreplaceable. Learning about someone's quirks and knowing just how to trigger them without being mean is a very powerful (and annoying) tool. Seeing your future with someone because there is no other human on Earth who's farts you'd rather smell is not a feeling that comes around very often in a life-time. You can't develop this from one-night-stands and hook-ups. You never will be able to. Sure, there's very little adrenaline that goes into baking cookies together and eating them with hot cocoa, but it's not the hormones that we are chasing. It's the safe space we create with someone who loves us with every single item inside our baggage. It's the smell of home they come to represent. It's the future you cannot help but be excited for because they are in it.

When someone is your forever, everything else becomes about making that forever even better for the both of you. You already found someone to share your life with, now you work on filling it. You work on yourself and help them work on themselves. It's always having someone else's hand to hold, but not absolutely having to. When someone is your forever, there is a calm inside you because no matter what happens you have each other to come back to and lean on. As a child I found it unlikely that I could ever find everything that I would ever need in a person, since humans are so imperfect. But life surprised me when along came someone whose perfect imperfection is perfect for mine.

This chapter doesn't really have a point, other than I fucking love my girlfriend. I cannot wait to do life with her. I can't wait to cry another million times in front of her. I cannot wait to hear her laugh  until my days are done. I will take this love for her with me to my grave, but first, I will take it with me as I live every day with a skip on my steps because I am so lucky to have found a human with a heart so pure. 

She's my forever.