Talks with the Mirror

Chapter Ate: dating

2019

I am just going to come out and say it. I don't believe in dating. I actually think that our generation is going about it all wrong.

Why do you need to change your titles as you spend time together rather than just say that you're with someone that you like. NOT that you're "dating" them or "talking" to them, when you're definitely spending time with someone that you have romantic interest in.

If I tell you that we should go somewhere together, I don't need to tell you that it's a date if I've been giving you the eyes, and complimenting you, and flirting with you. Connect the effing dots!

This whole thing about having to wait 3 months or so to say that you are special or exclusive is a bunch of BS from people that don't know how to commit to the person they want.

Some people think that choosing a single person to date is some kind of mistake because they need to keep their options open. When in reality, you need to focus your whole energy in one single person to make it worthwhile.

We are so afraid of commitment that it is making us cowards.

People are afraid of the unpredictability of the future, that they always have to make sure to have an alternate choice in case the person they are dating happens to leave them... or get hit by a bus.

We are constantly making sure that we don't give anyone the impression that we are one hundred percent theirs, just in case 'someone better comes around.'

Yeah, as if! Some of us have this belief that relationships should just work - Boom, magic - from the very beginning. And that fights should never happen, because if so it probably isn't 'meant to be.' 

But you are all extremely mistaken. Of course, I'm not encouraging you to stay in a borderline toxic relationship, but I am still urging you to spot the difference between toxicity and a mere difficulty in communication that can be taken care of. At the end of the day, no two people can live their lives together without bumping into a little adversity. The ones who find a way to not only compromise, but take in the others' perspective, end up succeeding and making these beautiful families full of love that we all wish for.

The titles part of the relationships today is what really actually gets me ticking:

If we are both going to places together, holding hands, maybe smooching a bit, do I HAVE to tell you that I am not doing that with anybody else? Make sure you know we are EXCLUSIVE? Or better, I have to ASK YOU TO BE 'EXCLUSIVE.'

Feels a lot like a client asking a prostitute to not sleep with anyone else, and she's like "It's my job! Unless you mean you wanna marry me." And then he runs away because he wasn't ready for that stage yet.

It is so complicated and frustratingly stupid. 

Then the online articles come with the freaking survey results saying that apparently the millennial generation is afraid of intimacy, uncommitted, and all other sorts of words for: little p*ssies.

Because that's what we actually are. We grew up with movies of perfect romances and undying love, all of which skipped the part where the couple lives together and occasionally  have to fart. So anytime we see anything differing from hot romance, sweet dates, and spontaneous chemistry, we automatically categorize it as 'not the one.'

The one doesn't exist. Well, at least not in the way that you expect them to be. You will more than likely have to adjust to your ones. Learn their quirks and insecurities. You're gonna see their flaws and their scars but they won't scare you away. The one for you will the best for you, not exactly what you want, but rather what you need. Not someone that will just celebrate your victories with you, but someone who will be there while you fight to make sure that you keep pushing. Your one will be that one person telling you that you're an asshole when you seriously were. And they will always remind you of the best in you, to make sure you get back on your feet. Sometimes you'll get mad at each other, but never to a point where you want to give up, even if you say it. And you definitely won't be looking for second options, because they will be every flavor of awesome you could ever need.