Talks with the Mirror

Dozen Chapter - Changes

2019

When I began writing this book, I was still considered a teenager. Ever since then I have encountered new situations in my life, made decisions that will impact my future, and experienced things I never thought I would.

As this year (two-thousand and nineteen) draws to a close, one cannot help but get a little bit nostalgic. My literary flow tends to thrive around this time of year as it always brings back something to reflect on, and perhaps worth sharing.

That one thing for today shall be: change.

When we are young and make some sort of bold life prediction, our parents are often the first ones to jump to the rescue and say, "you might change your mind about that." And in attempt to sound brave and mature, we stand tall and reaffirm our position. The matters can vary from saying that we won't ever like broccoli, to saying that we won't ever get married. One more futile than the other, but nevertheless meaningless.

We are just kids saying things. They are just adults saying things. But only one party has actually experienced what the test of time can do to you.

No matter how hard you might try to keep your ideas and beliefs unchanged, you never know what will hit you tomorrow. It may be the greatest essay full of wisdom... it may be a bus. You never know! And I have come to believe that it is beautiful.

Time passes. No one can control that. Therefore feeling anxious, or helpless, about the fact that it does is irrational. The best thing to do is embrace the evolution of the self. Take in every new breath knowing that it may be the last that you experience as this version of you.

When I was a little kid, I wanted to become a lawyer. Then years later I got a dog and decided to be a veterinarian instead. Further up ahead, I moved to the United States, saw a bunch of injustice being done and decided to become a judge. After moving to Iceland, I brought my aim down towards being a personal trainer because I was playing football semi-professionally. 

Now, here I am. Twenty years and eight months old, going back to school just so that I can get into University and study literally anything that will grant me a job other than shop assistant.

Nothing against it. Every profession has its value in my eyes. I am just in search for the thing we all long for: our calling.

When I help a random Karen find shorts for her spoiled son, my happiness meter isn't filled. You would think that at least the payment at the end of the month would bring it a few degrees up, but I more often than not feel as if I am in fact the one paying. My soul is chipped away with each passing day that I live knowing that in this one life of mine I should be doing more.

That's why I know that the job isn't for me. Being that anything, and everything, nowadays requires a degree, I have no choice but to get one.

Most people would become concerned if they felt such a level of insecurity and indecisiveness about their career choices, and I am no different. The only reason I have not yet lost all of my marbles is that I am embracing the fact that my ideas change, rather than looking for the chains to make me settle. 

The way I see it, when I find the thing that is made for me, my mind won't waver. Until then, I will gladly welcome the fact that I question my own choices because it will ultimately lead me to where I'm supposed to be spending my life.

In the mean time I will try a little bit of everything. After all, it is great to be a specialist at something, but if you are a generalist you get a whole lot more out of your life because your circle is so expanded and your experiences so vast that, when you share your opinion about something 'out of your field,' you are still granted some level of credibility.

Tell me, are you the exact same than you were when you were five? No? Well, I thought so. Then tell me, is there anything wrong with being different from your twenty-five year old self when you are thirty? What's the difference?