A drop in the ocean

After

After Natalie stormed out of the apartment, Alex had fallen asleep. He was mumbling words in his sleep as he usually did when he was drunk.

I could make out some words as 'no' 'leave' 'Clarissa', but they were all out of context and I had no idea what he was actually dreaming of. I creeped up in the bed looking on him. He was as beautiful as he always was, despite him being drunk. I stroked him over his hair and face.

I knew he could feel that because moved every time I touched him in a new spot. He eventually turn over to the side and his hand automatically goes out as if he was trying to hold someone sleeping next to him. Me. A aching pain in my abdomen aches when I see this. Even in his sleep he couldn't forget about me. He thought I was still there, and it really saddens me.

It ached more intensely in my abdomen. This was unusual. I never really felt pain or at least this intensely. I tried to ignore it. Memories keep popping into my head and lately it had intensified.

"So what are we?" I asked Alex. We had been seeing each other almost everyday since the party. I was really beginning to like him a lot. We hadn't really talked about our relationships status though and because of my previous relationship I learned not to just assume things before you really ask them. I had been cheated on, but it was not exactly cheating either.

Me and him hadn't defined the relationship so I guess in his mind that we weren't exclusive, but in mine I thought we were. So ever since then I always, at some point, had to define the relationship.

"Well isn't it obvious?" He asked back laughing. We were sitting in a bench in Central Park. The first time I went here I wasn't blown away as movies make it to be. It was just a park really. A beautiful one, but just a park.

"I just want to make sure" I reply. I regretted now that I ever asked him. Of course it was obvious. Alex cups my chin and pull my face towards his. He kisses me gently.

"Well since we're gonna be this formal about it. Clarissa, can I be so lucky to call you my girlfriend" his eyes met mine telling me that he was serious.

"Of course" I kiss him passionately. I felt bad for all single girls walking past us. Right then and there I felt like the luckiest girl alive. Pretty much everyone says that, but I couldn't help myself from thinking that nevertheless.

I smile thinking of this. I sometimes wished I could go back and relive that moment. It was one of my favorite memories, but thinking of it only made my abdomen hurt even more

Telling my family that I had boyfriend was one of the most awkward things I knew. I don't know why it was like that, but it always had. Growing up I did have a lot of boyfriends, but most weren't serious, and every time I told my family they would always tease me or make a comment on it.

I think what made this even harder was that this was one of the more serious ones. I had been in love, once, and that didn't go very well. He ended up getting someone knocked up while we were still together. Good riddance. Alex was so much more different than the other guys, and felt like he wasn't exactly the type to cheat either.

He kind of was perfect. My phone rang revealing my mom calling me. She hadn't picked up when I tried.

"Hey Claire, you tried to call" my mom starts. I reply with telling her about Alex. It ended up not being as awkward as my mind tried to make it out to be. I was just relieved when I hung up that it was over.

Several hours goes by and Alex is still asleep. I wish that I could sleep as well. In the beginning it was cool to not feel the need to do elementary things like eating and sleeping, but now I could barely keep up time and days.

I got more and more confused everyday. Ever since the night where Alex forgot to say good bye, things had worsened. I always felt a connection to Alex and a need to be close to him. But now I'm starting to feel intense pains in my abdomen. Before it usually stayed on a level of I could feel it, but it wasn't physically painful. I end up staring at the wall for a couple of hours, and then I don't remember much. It all went black