Pas Peur {Elu}

Forgive me

Eliott's P.O.V

What should I do , what is going on with me?! Why did I act like this.
Why do I hurt people with doing things that I think is better for them.
We were in the hospital, Yann and Eskild were filling forms while I was impatiently waiting to see Lucas.
It was my fault , I just shouldn't have done that.
I shouldn't have thought leaving Lucas would be better because I am bipolar.
But here he was laying in a hospital room diagnosed with brain tumor.
After a while a doctor came out of the room and at that moment Yann and Eskild also walked towards him.
"He has brain tumor which seems to be running in the family and we can't save him here, he has 2 weeks to live but I can assure you if you let us transfer him to paris , he'll heal with just a surgery." Yann and Eskild looked at each other then they looked at me "I mean we can do that. I can also help with the money." I said and they nodded "yeah we'll all do it." "Can we see him?" The doctor smiled and nodded "but before you go I need one of you who knows him best fill out a form." To that answer Yann stayed out. I looked at Eskild waiting for him to enter the room "you know the two of you need to work things out, I'll just be out here, I'll visit him later." I nodded and thanked him then entered the room.
His small helpless body was laying on the blue sheets of the hospital and his eyes were wide open staring at the ceiling.
"Um hey" his eyes shifted towards me and then looked back again "what do you want?!" I shivered from the coldness of his voice. I walked towards him and gently let my hand fall onto his and draw small circles. He didn't pull away. "I'm sorry , i didn't mean to do that." He shot me a confused glare. "You chose to sleep with her and you didn't mean it?! What's wrong with you Eliott just go , i don't wanna talk right now!" He said and pulled his hand away and turned his body away from me. "Okay, i will leave , but you're gonna be transferred to Paris in a few days and I just wish you luck and please come back alive, for me." I said and left the room letting Eskild and Yann go in after me.
What if he never forgives me...

The next day I asked Lucille to talk to me in one of the classes at school. I owed her an apology and an explanation.
"The point is,Lucille, I'm bipolar and I used you as a distraction cause I didn't wanna be in a relationship with Lucas , because I would hurt him everytime." After a while Of talking I was crying by now. "And I'm really sorry that I used you , but I am afraid Lucas won't forgive me now and he doesn't know I'm bipolar , I don't know what to do!" Lucille surprisingly pulled me into a friendly supportive embrace. I told her everything about Lucas's tumor and she chose to visit him someday and apologize.
"I'm really sorry for everything..." she nodded with a sad smile "it's okay Eliott you're forgiven, I understand, you should just find the right time to talk to Lucas before he's transferred to Paris." I nodded and pulled her into another embrace.

That afternoon I stayed home, watched shows and chilled on the couch. All I could think about was Lucas.

A week Later

Lucas's P.O.V

I was about to be transferred to paris in a few days. Eliott never visited me again. Maybe it was for my own good. I'm not sure but I can tell that I miss him with all my heart. I wanna forgive him but the thought of him doing it again , makes it harder to even think about forgiving him.
God his eyes kept triggering me even in my dreams.
Was I going to Paris alone?! What would happen if the surgery wasn't successful?! I would die right? Like my mom? I have to see Eliott , i have to say I forgive him.
Yann came in the room interrupting my thoughts giving me my morning breakfast. "How are you?" He asked sitting on the chair next to bed. "Okay I guess." "Eskild went back home, he stayed the night , he said he needed to clean up and stuff." I nodded "I miss him." Yann giggled "Eskild?" I shook my head to the answer "no Eliott, i fucking miss him." His face turned serious and he nodded "Why didn't you tell me , all these happening , you having a boyfriend." A tear was now running down my cheek. "He never asked me to be his boyfriend. We never labeled anything he just took me on a date , and I was in love with him Yann but he doesn't give a fuck."
He pulled me into his arms and whispered in my hair "shhhh, he cares , he cares Lucas, maybe he has somethings going on with him, maybe he's confused in his sexuality, I don't know. But there's no way he can stop caring about you, you hear me?" More tears ran down my cheek as he repeated the words. "Where is he now , it's been a week!!!" He held me tighter. "He will explain , in his own time , don't worry."

The next day , everything was chill in the morning , until I got an unknown text.

*hey Lucas it's Lucille, I just wanted to ask if Eliott was with you?! The other day we talked and he came back to mine, he fell asleep on the couch , he told me everything but now he's not here and he's not answering his phone , i thought he might be with you, but there's something that really scares me , he's bipolar, he shouldn't be alone right now , please tell me he's with you.*

My hands started shaking and my mind started buzzing. I didn't even bother to text back.
I knew where he was, right on my mind! In the meadow.
I got up from the bed still with a headache but I didn't mind. I quickly changed my clothes and left a note for Yann who stayed the night with me and cautiously walked out of the hospital. Behind me I heard a doctors voice but I didn't give a fuck. I took a taxi.

In the whole ride I kept thinking about Eliott. He is bipolar. He's bipolar. He's bipolar!
He shouldn't be alone right now
He just needs time and he will explain.
All these stuff going through my mind were making me crazy. When the taxi pulled out in the meadow, I couldn't see Eliotts tall figure in between the sunflowers.
But I got off the taxi and payed him to go with a little money I was lucky to still have in my pockets.
I ran in between the ranches and leaves. Until I got to the lake.
And there he was, his body floating on the water, but he was clothed.  "Eliott!" I said walking towards him. "ELIOTT!" I almost yelled after seeing that the first time he didn't respond. But still no response, he didn't even open his eyes. He didn't even move.
I got in the water still with my clothes on. I pulled his body close to mine . He didn't even seem to notice. He was unconscious. I pulled him into the grasses and laid him down as I started pounding on his chest. He had so much water in his lungs. Every now and then I pulled hairs out of his face. Suddenly his breath came back. He was breathing. His eyes were still closed. But he was now alive.
I threw my body down on the grass next to him. Tears kept running down my eyes. But I couldn't recognize the tears in the between the drops of water on my face. I heard a sigh next to me. Eliotts eyes were open as he gently looked at me. "How the fuck did you get here!" He suddenly sat up. "Lucille I guess texted me, it was unknown but I could figure it was her. She told me you were gone." I sat up and looked into his eyes and suddenly my tears were even more. "Tell me Eliott did you wanna kill yourself." Eliott was holding his head in between his hands. "Eliott?! Are you listening?!" I crawled in front of him and pushed his wet hair back from his hair. "Eliott? You hear me? You are not alone. Not anymore!" I pulled him into a hug. He cried into my shoulder and slowly we were both pulled down back into the grass. I was on top of him. His hand in my hair , my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat like it was my favorite music. "I love you." I suddenly heard him murmur. I wrapped my arm around him and pulled my leg up onto his stomach cuddling him. "I love you too."

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