JULIE
I walked through the school's main gates. I wanted to smoke cigarettes quietly and stare at the guys skating in the park. I noticed Sam outside. In front of her, sitting on her bike, there was a girl. I didn't recognize her. They were talking. Sam looked joyful. She was swinging her body up and down, and it was adorable. She was precious. She stopped, looked at the girl as they had a small conversation, and then leaned in and kissed her.
Kissed her! She fucking kissed her! Why? Why the hell is she kissing a girl that isn't me? Does she seriously not know I'm like insanely in love with her? No, she doesn't. She actually doesn't know, and it's my fault. Because I spent half of my life making sure it stayed that way.
Before I could process the sight my throat clogged, a tear in my stomach opened, and I began sobbing. I convinced myself I shouldn't be crying as I ran back to the bathroom. As the weeping stopped my throat closed shutter. I met with my reflection in the bathroom's mirror. I broke that same second, without any margin of error.
I sat on a toilet and bawled the living shit out of this pain. But it was still growing inside my veins, carefully eating my insides. I needed it to stop. I needed this whole shit to just fucking stop, and it fucking didn't. I threw my fist at the wall. And again, and again. Only once did a stabbing pain hit my hand, I felt a release.
I returned to the mirror. I looked so pretty.
I looked pretty with a blurred-eyeliner, red-eyes mess of a face, and she still decided to kiss another girl. How on Earth? I was so fucking stupid. Why would she want to kiss me? I'm stupid. I'm her best friend and nothing else.
And what's even worse is that I was partly to blame for that.
Why? Why could my stupid feelings not be in touch with reality? I'm stupid. I'm not her girlfriend, she's not in love with me, she's never going to be, and it has nothing to do with her sexuality. Clearly. I was so incredibly stupid, because she leaves me crying in the bathroom, full-on panic attack, and the second she smiles, I'm down on one knee.
I'm stupid. I'm stupid. I'm stupid. Because I hate this pain. And I still fucking love her.
I'm stupid. I'm stupid. I'm stupid. I'm stupid. You stupid bitch.
YOU ARE READING
"Just Friends"
Genç KurguThey've been friends since forever. The best friends. The kind that laughs together, even after the teacher told them to stop. That stay home just to watch TV together. The type of friends that pretend to be dating even though they're just friends. ...
