"Just Friends"

Chapter 33

JULIE:

As we took the subway's ride back to Sam's house, I watched them talk. For some reason, I had felt like an observer all day long.

*****

"Baby!" Sam cried out when we noticed Emma's bike in the school parking lot. I forced a smile and rubbed her arm sweetly, trying to communicate that I'd love it if she ran her way.
Her eyes scanned me for a small second before she jumped on her girlfriend's arms. A somewhat hole opened in my chest.

"Hey," I knocked my cheek with Emma's, as I tried to push away the annoying sensation.
"I'm here to give my girl a ride," she said with the brightest smile, making me feel guilty. Because after all, this was a really nice gesture, and who was I to feel wronged?
"What are you guys doing tonight?" she asked.
I crossed sights with Sam.
"Nothing, really," she shrugged her shoulders. I knew Elle was throwing a party at her house tonight, but I hadn't told her about it yet, because I hadn't come around to it.
"Girls," Emma replied. "It's Friday!" I faced her and saw her perfect, small hands dancing in the air. "You gotta do something. And I gotta join you."
"Yeah, you're right," I turned to Sam. "I was actually gonna tell you that Elle's throwing a party tonight. We should go."
"Yeah. A party," Emma stated. "Nice. That's great. We need to go, babe." The word shock me, but Sam continued unresponsive, considering her chances.
"Okay. Cool. Let's spend the day at my place, and then we'll take the bus," she answered.
"Definitely," Emma voiced. Her eyes then wandered on me before turning to a concerned look. "I'm sorry, Jules, I don't have a car. I can leave the bike here, and we can all walk home if you'd like." An awaiting glance from both laid on me. I didn't even process what she said. I stopped hearing the moment she called me Jules.
Sam's fingers touched my arm, and I compelled my mind to come up with a response. "No, no. Don't worry. I can walk home,"
"You sure?" Sam checked. I could see it in the way she made eye contact, she seriously wanted me to be okay.
"Yeah," I lied.

I didn't actually want to walk home alone. I had had a rather rough day. I saw Evan in chemistry class and it was the most heartwrenching thing ever. He didn't want to see me. He made all attempts to ignore me, and it was heartbreak all again. I missed him. I missed him a lot.

As I walked to Sam's house, I couldn't get out of my head. I felt like I was floating in a pool made out of my own, drowning, thoughts.
It was hard to breathe. If I wanted to catch a breath, I had to go out for air and sink it all in as fast as possible, because a second was all I had before the waves crashed me with memories.

What really hurt was the fact that if he had been here, that if he was still in my life, I wouldn't have walked home alone. He was that sweet. I couldn't ponder on the fact that I cut this amazing human out of my life. I would do anything to go back in time. Or maybe wake up someday and find out it was all a dream.

*****

You should see the way she looks at Emma. Like the entire world hides in her face. Her eyes have a certain shine when they're pointed her way. And her smile goes wider than I ever knew it could. If I could narrow the way it made me feel into just two words, I'd say it sucks. But that's an understatement.

The subway stopped after an alert. The doors opened, and only one man walked inside. I heard two girls laugh over to the right. I turned their way and saw them. They were wasted. They laughed without inhibitions, at practically anything, and one of them had a splash of glitter on her cheek.

The alert sounded a second time and the doors closed before the subway continued its trail.
The place was disturbingly quiet, except for the two girls, and Sam's and Emma's entertained whispers. However, something about the silence, about the way most town was asleep, was comforting. I was allowed to just sit there. Entertainment free.