Tsarina ∣ Ruler!Reader x Russia

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧: 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐖𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐞

I pack my things and get on the carriage in secret, if no one knows, no one could find me off balanced. I didn't let Yekaterina come with me, I ordered her to stay with Poland and others. She gawked at me like I'm crazy, I told her to go to the infirmary.

We change horses every time they get exhausted. We want to lose no time. The weather becomes colder, but not cold like Russia, it is different. No, it is inside me. I have no good feelings about this. Finland is broken, every town we passed has this dark aura. They don't want us here. What happened to human Finland? I wonder. He should be the same as Poland.

We arrive at Helsinki, I will take a ship to go to Stockholm. But I must write to Baltics, for good weather and fortune.... and an apology. I know I am not the best host, I am not even a host if I forced them to stay with me. I should have stopped with Ukraine and Belarus.

The ship arrives, the fastest in the Baltic, most of my shipmates are either wifes of commanders or widows of soldiers. Little children are holding their mothers' hands. What would they do if they knew? I go to downstairs to get blankets.

After a few days, I have arrived in Stockholm. I find a post agency and leave my letters to all the countries who have been under my control. I granted their independence and support of Russia if anyone attacks.

I rent a carriage to Trosa, the main front where Potemkin is fighting in. Ivan would be there with the soldiers. If the newspapers right, we are failing.

The carriage man drops me at a near village and tells me to stay away. He wouldn't accept my request if I didn't have so much money. I ask the locals how to go. No one talks French or Russian or Latin. I don't try more if they notice I am Russian, things can get out of the hand. I sigh and decide to follow the smoke that has been around for a while. 'Gunpowder.' I assume.

I walk and walk, the sounds and screams become clear. Some soldiers run towards me to retreat and heal themselves. They should have thought I am a nurse. One of them has a very bad wound. I ask for alcohol and pour it on him and press it. I cut some cloth from my dress and bandage him. When others help, I drop everything and run to the front.

The smoke and unbearable smell make me numb, I couldn't see where I am going. I am probably on the Swedish side. I need to cross the no mans land. Soldiers see me and I don't know or judge them, they bow and fold their hands like praying. I shouldn't use white powder on my skin, I can't imagine what they thought I am.

When the sand sacks end there is a forest which I could pass. I climb on one stone and start to walk slowly. I avoid the bushes and other things that could make a sound.

I start to hear Russian and run towards. I expected soldiers and Potemkin, honestly.

Ivan is sitting on the ground, his arms are in the blood. A tall blonde man with blue eyes, I assume it is Sweden and an albino ferret which should be Prussia are standing in front of him. I never thought he would be so lonely and helpless. I race to him as Sweden lifts his sword. If I could pull him, we could run away.

But I forgot he is my more than double size. I hold his shoulders, I sense his eyes on me and I push him away. The sword meets my heart and melts it on this cold day of December.

I gulp, I am still alive looking directly to Sweden. I hurt his friend, wife. He is absolutely right. The blood comes from my mouth and drops into the snow and its heat melts the snow and leaves circle marks. 'I'm sorry.' I whisper I assume he heard me, I see his pupils. I wish I could see Ivan for the last time, not some kind of red-eyed, albino ferret.

I fall on something soft. I don't know or even can't comprehend it is Ivan or snow. But for the last time, I see little snowflakes painting the world white.

You didn't get any happy ending in this life.