Closure (A Supernatural Fanfic)

14 - Sad Little Boys

Dean

Sam walks past the waiting room. I call his name, but he doesn't notice. He just continues walking, ignoring everyone in his angsty little world, head down, hands in pants pocket.

"Sam! Where are you going?" I shout to him.

Still nothing. I turn the opposite direction, and head for Nova's room.

I knock on the door, and see her, sitting there, crying.

"Hey. Hey. What's the matter?" I say. Nova starts, and quickly wipes her tears.

"Hey. I just—" she stops, her mouth set in a frown, and more tears fall

"C'mere for a sec," I say, and I walk over, holding her. Wrapping my arms around her. I give her a kiss on the top of the head.

She keeps crying, and I take a deep, shaky breath.

"Talk to me, Nove. What's the matter?"

"Sam...he...he thinks it's his fault that I got hurt, and he...he wants to leave. I begged him not to go. I told him to think about it, at least. We're protected. Surely he knows that."

"He does, but Sam's never really been one to take risks when it involves people he loves."

She nods. "I know. But damn it, I don't want to lose him, Dean. You're great, and I love having you back in my life, too, but..."

"But you love him, too."

She breaks down harder. "I do. I really, really do, Dean. And..."

"Trust me, Nova. Sam's not going anywhere."

"Are you sure?"

"I won't let him."

"Don't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do, Dean."

"I'm not. He wants to stay, he's just—"

I stop, and take a deep breath.

"He's scared. His odds are against him, Nova. But look. You did something the others didn't. You pulled through."

Nova nods. "Did I do something to upset him?"

"Not a damn thing. Look, we almost lost you. It hit Sam the hardest, because he's played this game before, and he knows how it turns out. He just needs some time to think. I'll talk to him, okay? But trust me. I know my brother, and he's not going anywhere. Because I'm not going anywhere, and he goes where I go."

She nods. "Okay."

"Listen to me, Nova," I say, putting my hands gently on each shoulder. "It's going to all work out. I promise."

"Right. Well..."

"I'm gonna go find the bastard and talk with him."

Nova nods, and sighs. She lays back in her bed, hands over her eyes.

"You get some rest, now, you hear me?"

She nods. As I turn on my heel and walk out the door, I can hear her shuddering breath.

--

After about 10 minutes of searching for him, I finally find Sam sitting at a bench in the flower garden on the east side of the hospital.

I stand in front of him, and he looks up. He's wearing this look of deep contemplation.

"Hey," he says.

"Hey," I say back. I sit beside him, hands in my pockets.

"I got a question for you, Sam," I say.

"Yeah? What?"

"What in the hell is wrong with you?" I spat out, almost venomously.

"Excuse me?" Sam says, offended.

"You think you're just gonna up and walk away?" I ask. "She's in there, bawling her eyes out, begging you to stay with her. And you...you want to walk away from this?"

"Dean. I can't let—"

"Can't what, Sam? Can't let anything happen to her?"

"No. I can't. I think, of all people, you would understand."

"What do you mean by that?" I say. "What exactly do you mean by that?"

Sam sighs, then looks to me. "Lisa. Ben. You let them go to keep them out of danger. You asked Cas to wipe their memories, and you—"

"I know what I did," I say. I feel like my insides are being rubbed raw by glass shards. "But it's not the same."

"How is it not--?"

"Lisa was just a normal person, Sam. Before me, she didn't know anything about any of this. She was doing just fine with Ben until I showed up. She...she nearly died, Sam—"

"So did Nova! Dean—"

"Nova knows exactly what she's up against. And she knows how to fight it off. And when the hard part came, Sam, guess the hell what? She survived." I'm now shouting. Sam looks in his lap, and looks at me.

"Lisa—"

"Lisa could do this on her own. Nova—Nova just had a baby. I mean, literally, just today, Sam. She's got two little ones with Jenna worried sick for their mom and baby sister. She just spent the last 8 years of her life under the effects of a deal, believing she was in love with someone she's not. She may know what she's up against, she may have years, decades even, of experience on Lisa, but at the end of the day? She's the one who needs help. She's the one who needs us."

There's a moment's pause.

"You're right," Sam says.

I back off. "What?"

"You're right. She does need us. But she doesn't need to feel like she's stuck in some soap opera just because I fell in love with her. She can find someone, much better than me. There's bound to be others out there. Better than me, in every way possible, and if---"

"Right. Maybe she'd find someone who's not such a coward." I spit the last word at him, and watch him shudder. I know I hit a nerve. Good. Maybe he'll get it through his head.

I turn and walk away, seeing too much red to say another word, or to hear if he's saying anything back.