I swore to god I was going to change, and this is it.

this isnt a poem, but i dont need to make a whole ass book ab it

this is anoymous but im sure youll know it's you when you read it.

i would send this but i just blocked you and didnt think itd be appropriate.
im sorry it had to end like this.
i regret everything but im just hoping its for the better.
im sitting here thinking of all the ways i could die to try and fix my broken heart because nothing else will.
i dont mean every mean thing ive said, ive just been really angry the last month and my mind is always fuzzy. some days i wake up and forget who i am for a second. who my friends are, who you are.
one day you will forget me.
i will be a distant memory, you will forget my touch, voice, how soft my hair can get. you will forget my hugs. you will forget the forehead kisses and the money spending together.
i never wanted this. i wanted you, but you didnt want me. fuck, i still want you. but i cant have you. never again. I'm sure you hate my guts right now, and that's okay. i hate mine too.
i cant remember the last time i was happy.
maybe it was the last time you hugged me goodbye before i got on the plane to leave you.
maybe it was the last time i fell asleep in your arms.
maybe it was the other day, when we had a kinda civil conversation.
i dont remember.
i cant remember what actual happiness feels like, its been so long.
i just wish you were willing to love me. in person. here, with me. playing with my hair and us watching youtube in my bed. giving me the occasional forehead kiss.
i hate all of your friends. and im sure you hate mine too. but thats okay, at least we're not about to kill each other, i hope.
like i said, i regret everything, but i dont know what im doing anymore.
i know theres no chance of us ever again after tonight, and im sorry.
i hope you find love, that youre willing to love back.
goodnight, sweet dreams. i love you so much.