I swore to god I was going to change, and this is it.

this is how a girl who is not in love with you anymore thinks.

"maybe i could love them, it wasn't hard before. it just happened. it shouldn't be hard. that's wrong. that's not how we should be. but i don't think i do anymore. oh god how am i going to tell them? this is horrible. i don't want to be a liar but i would be if i didn't tell them. i don't know. i think they are falling out of love too. i'll just take it slow. maybe it'll be easier for them." 

the next time she talks to you, it will be different. it will be awkward. the thoughts she had the night before while you were sleeping weighed down on her. she was stressed. she didn't love you anymore but she didn't want to hurt you. she could've, but she tried her best not to. 

you will notice this. you may think shes just sick, and she might be. you hope she just isn't feeling well. she's not, but not for the reason you think. 

she feels bad. she feels like she's playing mind games. she's trying her hardest to love you and fall back in love but that one night could not leave her mind. she couldn't stop thinking about it. she couldn't stop thinking about you. one of the first signs you've fallen in love with someone. how she fell in love with you. 

she thinks she might be since she can't stop thinking about you. but it's not how it used to be. 

shes lost interest in talking. she wants to move on but you, are clearly stuck on her like glue to paper. her heart is heavy. she feels guilty, but she wants whats best for her.

she may make a promise to you, and if she does, do not fall for it. no promise is real.

she may say she still is in love with you, but she's not. she fell out of love a long time ago. but she still cares. she may always care but don't expect her to. 

you will be in agony. you will not know what to do with yourself. you are devastated. she knows this but blocks it out. 

this is when you change. you will decide who you want to be but you can't. all you know how to be is with her. you love her dearly, there is no stopping you from it. 

until she says she hates you.

fury will rise out of you and you will hate her back. 

the whole time she was thinking, she tried not to hurt you. she tried her best but her best wasn't good enough.

this is how a girl who is not in love with you anymore thinks.