Ineffable Omens (Crowley x Aziraphale)

With Nothing Left

 Crowley had nothing left. He was alone. He realized without Aziraphale, he really had nothing. The promise of seeing his angel got him through the day. It was a reason to get up in the morning. He had thought life without the angel would be bearable, but it wasn't. He didn't care about temptations and other demon work. He didn't want to be here anymore. Leaving wouldn't change anything. Even if he flew off to Alpha Centauri right now, things weren't going to change. He had nothing, and nothing was going to change what he had done to Aziraphale.

His mind was a mess of regret and remorse and self-loathing. He was a wreck and confused. There's no way to describe the headspace Crowley was in to do it justice. It's a scary, dark place. He did the only thing he could think to do. He found himself a piece of paper and a pencil, wrote a note to Aziraphale, and then got in his Bentley and drove to the nearest church.

Dear Aziraphale,

Dear angel,

This is goodbye. I'm sorry, truly, for everything. I never meant to hurt you. I promise you that. I love you, Azira. Always have. Without you, I have nothing. It's time for me to go. I hope once I'm gone you can forgive me.

Love, and sincerest regrets,

Your best friend

It was dark out, and the church was empty. He had no problem walking right in. The floor burned his feet, but he paid it no heed. He was above pain at this point, and he was about to experience something much worse anyway.

Up in the front of the church, there was a bowl of holy water, exactly what he was looking for. He stood there, his feet in searing pain, but his head and heart in even more indescribable agony.

"Is this what you wanted?" He shouted. "You've got one fucked up Great Plan! Go on, God, keep on fucking with the universe, we're the ones who have to pay. You can play your games but real people get hurt. You bloody bastard!" Crowley kicked a pew in frustration. "Is this what you wanted all along?" His voice cracked, and his previous anger faded, leaving him broken and weak. "Was this your ineffable plan? Yeah, well fuck you, God! Fuck you!"

If only he hadn't been such a fucking idiot. How could have have done that to Aziraphale? How could he have hurt the one person who made living worth it. He reached out toward the holy water.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Part of him hoped it was Aziraphale, but the voice was female, soft and all-knowing. Crowley whipped around, but there was no one there. "Oh, I'm not really here. In God's plan, Crowley ranted for another solid five minutes, giving Aziraphale enough time to get there, but Crowley had sprung into action early (it was quite like that particular demon and angel pair to go against Her plan) so someone needed to step in.

"God?" Crowley asked, cowering in fear just a little.

"Yes, yes, I'm not here for long. Just a little miracle and I'm out. They're below my paygrade really, but you've got to do what you've got to do." The holy water started bubbling, let out some steam, and then settled, a few small ripples dancing across the surface of the water. "There you go. Just normal water now. Isn't going to do you any good."

"Why are you doing this to me?"

"No time for questions, Crowley. My plan is, as your friend calls it, ineffable." With that, she disappeared, leaving Crowley alone. Really, she was annoyed those two hadn't shacked up yet. Talk about slow burn. She really hadn't done anything other than make the water bubble a little, it was still as holy as could be,

Crowley collapsed on the floor of the church, the consecrated ground still burning. He sat there, head in his knees, and cried.

"I swear to God if that bloody bastard came here ..." Crowley heard the muffled voice of Aziraphale entering the church. He scrambled back, hiding between the pews. "Crowley!" he called out. Crowley covered his mouth with his hand, trying to stifle the sobs and muffle his heavy breathing. "Crowley!" Aziraphale cried out again, and Crowley lost it, giving in to the sobs. Aziraphale gasped when he heard the sound, and came running toward him. "Crowley! Oh you stupid, stupid fucking idiot!" Aziraphale grabbed Crowley by the arm and pulled him up. "I'm getting you out of here."

"No," Crowley said, his voice weak. "Leave me alone."

"Come on, Crowley," Aziraphale said, rolling his eyes and pulling him forward.

"No! I said leave me alone!" Crowley yelled, anger boiling up inside of him. He tore his arm out of Aziraphale's grip, and Aziraphale flinched back, scared he was going to hit him again. "See?" Crowley said, his anger fading, replaced by deep sorrow. "You're scared of me. After everything we've gone through, after what I wrote in that letter—"

"I didn't read the letter."

"You didn't ... what? How did you know to come here, then?"

"I put two and two together. Saw you write the note, I know you detest writing, figured it was important, but it couldn't be an apology because I knew you'd do that in person. I was scared this might be it, so I came as soon as I could."

"Why didn't you read the letter?"

"Because I didn't want to read my friend's suicide note. Anything you have to say to me, you can say in person. Why? Did it say something important?"

"Oh, nothing really," Crowley lied. "The usual garbage."

"Well I'm taking you home," Aziraphale said. "I don't want you doing anything else stupid." He looped his arm through Crowley's and led him out to where the Bentley was parked. Crowley was numb, disconnected from the world around him. "Oh good, you left the keys in the ignition. Let's see if I can figure out how to work this."

"You don't know how to drive a car ...?" Crowley asked, still out of it.

"Don't worry. I'll figure it out."

Crowley was a little worried, but he couldn't think about it too much. He gazed off into the distance as Aziraphale drove him back home. He was in a sort of trance, tired and exhausted, and mentally broken. It was like his internal battery just ran out. Aziraphale drove him home and helped him out of the car. He was concerned for how ... broken Crowley seemed. He barely said a word on the way home, and then stopped talking entirely.

"Here you go," Aziraphale said, leading him towards the bed. Crowley collapsed, staring up at the ceiling. He seemed awfully uncomfortable, so Aziraphale removed his boots and put a blanket over him. Not wanting to leave his friend alone, he retired to the living room with a book, waiting for morning to come.