Difference

22. Abstinence

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Adonis »

"I hope that didn't make you uncomfortable." Farrah chuckled.

"..not at all."

"Good." She said, laying back down on my shoulder.

The train ride wasn't very long, but it felt like hours. Even though being this close to Farrah made me nervous, I felt comfortable. Much more comfortable than I ever did with Ivy.

Ivy crossed my mind a few times during the train ride, considering this is the very place I met her. I never really talked in detail with Farrah about that date, so it almost still felt like a weight on my chest.

I know that not all girls are like Ivy, but I'm not stupid. I know that sex is apart of most relationships of people my age.

Sure I've thought about it, recently more often than ever. But I know, at least on that date with Ivy, I just didn't want to. I just hope that won't be a problem with Farrah as well.

I know there was a reason for the way I was feeling.  I remember the day I got my prescriptions,  I could tell by the tone of both my mother and the doctor's whispers, that these medications would cause more than a few hormonal side affects.

My mother argued that because I was just a kid, none of that would matter. But it would. I'm not a kid anymore.

The short times without my medication my mind with all types of thoughts, dreams, and internet searches that I'd rather not repeat.

That's a drastic difference from when I would take my medication regularly, then sex would hardly ever cross my mind at all.  And when it did...it wasn't for the reason it should.

I had four medications to take, my mother replaced one. Meaning, those thoughts were far from gone.

"What's on your mind?" Farrah asked me, chuckling.

"Hm?"

"You seem like you're in deep thought. What you thinking about?"

"Stuff..."

"What kind of stuff? You can tell me." She said lowering her voice, even though we were the only two left on this section of the train.

"Uh. Just..relationship stuff..like.."

"Sex?"

She knew?

"What made you go there?"

"You're seventeen, you're a guy..I figured it would cross your mind." She laughed. "Nothing wrong with that. Everyone thinks about it."

"Is everyone..having sex?" I asked her.

"A lot of people are, plenty aren't. Doesn't make you any more or less anything."

"Have you..?"

I instantly regretted saying that. Is that rude to ask?

"Um I-"

"Nevermind. Sorry."

"Don't be. It's cool..I've never had sex before. I almost did, but it didn't go as planned."

Though I did wonder, I didn't ask what happened.

"Oh..cool."

"Not really. What makes you ask?" She laughed.

"I don't know. I know you said plenty of people never had sex, but it doesn't feel like it. Even the people who haven't are ready to, right? Ivy said-"