Neu Roses

Loose

Onika's POV

I've been up for about an hour just watching Bey sleep under me, when we got home last night she showered as did I but when it came to us getting in bed that was a struggle. She being out of her normal state was trying have sex yet again and I had to try keeping her away even though I really didn't want to. It got to the point where she was basically chasing me around the room and us fighting all over the bed only to end up with her laying her head in my chest while my legs were around her torso under her arms like we used to sleep so long ago, I miss it. How warm she kept me and how comforting it was to have her holding me close as if she actually loved me like I want her to do again but I know I'm still in the works of gaining it which I'm happy about and okay with. I understand I have to work for it, I didn't at first but now I am and I'm trying my best.

While she's been asleep I've been thinking about everything and how this actually helped our relationship though it did destroy it at least I got to know more about her and more of what goes on in her mind than what I did before. And I've grown myself being I was indeed selfish with my actions when it came to her leaving and on top of that I was gullible to others words than listening to myself and asking for help or advise which is something we both need to work on, she holds everything in and at some point I know she's going to explode and when she does it'll be horrible. Which is why I'm trying to get to her now, I want her to understand that I'm here for a reason; I want to help her and understand her as she understands me but this guard that she has up from me and everyone else because of her past doesn't even seem to be breaking because every time I try it's like another is right behind it... I felt her move making me look down seeing her arms were tightening and her face began to scrunch up a bit til it relaxed again, I rubbed her arm feelings her muscle in my hand bringing a soft smile to my face.

But then she groaned out and moved her head as she-like always-slept shirtless and her hair down as if it would be okay to do so, I moved my hand over to her cheek gently rubbing it til I reached her ear lightly touching the pointed part that made her move more into my stomach since her head now rested there from all the moving she's done. She was talking in her sleep as well about how she didn't want to do something and how she was going to kill somebody who I realized was August after a moment of listening closely, that's one of my favorite things about her. How she doesn't like to share and how territorial she is around me, most people would say that it's unattractive but for me it's sweet and considerate since I've never gotten that type of attention from anyone before.

I thought about going back to school soon and how I wasn't really ready to, not with the problems with her like this and the fact that when I get there I have to be with him again. I don't even know how I really found him attractive at one point though I know physically he is but he has no real inspiration he just wants to stay in drugs and play basketball all the time like any other boy I've met besides Kendrick and Jermaine, they remind me so much of her how she's so focused on making a difference on her appearance to people because of setbacks in life she tried to recover from. My eyes fell back down to her feeling her hands barely hold me closer as she sighed out through her nose a bit, I regret everything I've done to her. In the beginning when she first took me from the strip I thought that she was going to kill for a second and after that I thought she was going to kill me if I didn't put out for her but I was completely wrong.

She always shows herself to be this mean and aggressive person trying to protect herself and her feelings but there's no need to be no one is like who she used to be with but she's so stuck in her ways she makes herself not see it. Last night she wouldn't even admit to having depression which was one of the worst things because when we got in that car going home she acted as if that conversation we had and everything she said never happened, and she knows I hate it when she does. I want her to just see there are people here for her and when Dave even came to see if I was okay so long again he hinted towards it and I didn't notice but now I see what he meant, she thinks it makes her weak or weird but it doesn't because it happens, no ones perfect she just tries to be for no reason.