Checkmate (BuckyBarnes x OC)

Torn

I remained by the window after the others decided to go down to the gym. I had enough training, I needed to be left alone. But maybe that was a bad idea too. As soon as the others left me with assuring glances of trust that I won't go anywhere I wasn't allowed to I started thinking about just that. If Natasha wasn't here anymore, then what was the point of me being here anyways. Yeah, yeah, they wanted to find the Winter Soldier and so did I, but I could do that on my own. I was staring into the streets of the city. New York was gross, I never liked it. Even from this high up I could see the people who were always in a hurry to get somewhere and people who didn't even have a home to hurry back to. I wasn't sure if staying here was what I was supposed to be doing.

"Where are you hiding, Soldat?" I whispered to myself. I moved my eyes across the streets very slowly just in case I'd be able to see any sign of him or Hydra, but I was too high up to see people's faces properly.

My head was starting to ache again, so I went to the sofas to sit down. I noticed that besides the two scientists that were working in the lab no one was around. I could escape and no one would even see me gone. I thought about what just happened with Natasha, Steve and Sam. Why did I trust them so fast? It was not in my nature. Or maybe it was, but I never had the chance to do what I judged was right. It was like when I was with Natasha I didn't want to disappoint her, but now she wasn't here and I wanted to and had an opportunity to leave. If I'd never see her again, my conscience would be calm. Maybe. Probably not.

"Come on, Sparrow, I'm done waiting for you to get up," he kept saying. I was lying on the floor, my legs were sore and I was pretty sure my wrist was either broken or starting to break. We've been going at this for too long, I couldn't even think straight anymore. I managed to get on my knees and hands, but sure enough I felt his hit on my spine, which got me pressed on the floor again. "What are you waiting for?" he shouted. I was already crying at this point, but I didn't want him to see me like this. I quickly jumped up and wiped the tears away. I didn't want to attack him again, if I would, I would most likely collapse. And if by any chance I could maintain my ballance I didn't want to hurt him. I had a thought that maybe he would let me have a break if he saw how exhausted I was. My hands were in the air shakily protecting my upper body as I waited for his attack. But it never came.

"Again, what are you waiting for?" he stepped closer to me comfortably which only meant that I could relax my body for a couple of seconds. I always had to take the opportunity. I stretched my bruised arms while I waited for him talk. "If you have the opportunity, take it. You can't wait forever for me to make a move. What if there would be someone behind you that was waiting for it?" I looked at him. He was just as sweaty as I was. Even though he still bettered me in combat I was giving him a hard time with keeping the position as the best fighter. His long brown hair was getting in the way of his piercing blue eyes, but he never brushed them away. I thought he would start a lecture or explain what I did wrong. Instead he came closer to me and locked the fingers of his metal arm on my throat, "You don't have time to doubt your decisions." I was completely helpless when he had me in the air like this. I felt my face getting red. His eyes were showing no mercy.

"Please... let me..." He threw me on the ground and as I was catching my breath he turned and walked back to his previous position. "Let's go again."

I shook my head. It used to be so much easier when I was told what to do. I remembered what the Soldier always told me. Always be objective, never let you personal thoughts get in the way. I had to think like a soldier not as a friend. I had to do what a soldier would do in these situations. All these emotion and memories - they didn't feel like me. I didn't feel complete without having a mission on my mind. 

That was it. I needed a mission and being here isn't gonna bring me one.

I quickly shot up to my feet and headed for the stairs. I needed to exit in a way that I won't bump into anyone, especially not the three people I was talking with a few minutes ago because that would result into failing my escape plan. I knew I made a promise, but these are never good. If they knew any better they wouldn't have trusted me so quickly. I was a trained liar. I reached the door, but just as I was about to open it my hand hovered above the handle. I froze. Do I really want to do this? Break this new found trust already?