You Give Me All The Feels

OUTCAST

There are so many things they never tell you. 

I. They never tell you what it’s like to be young, to realize before your body has finished growing that it isn’t yours, and to watch desperately as more and more of yourself slips away, hoping you can get it back before all of you has slipped through your fingers. they never tell you that, more than your body hair, more than your voice, more than your manhood or womanhood, your bones will be your worst enemy, the one traitor of your Biology that you can do nothing in the face of. They never tell you about the exclusion. 

II. You expect some of it. Of course there will be the bigots, the small-minded, the people you never bother correcting because you’re too afraid they might think to correct you in turn. but they aren’t the worst of it. Who cares if you’ll never be one of them–it’s not like you would ever want to. 

III. No, the worst of them, the ones nobody warns you about, are the kind ones. The ones that are different from the rest, but who you are different from. 

It isn’t that their kindness is false, or that they aren’t as different as they claim to be. it’s that it isn’t, and they are. It’s that their difference joins them, gives them their own safe haven from the same bigots that make you walk down sidewalks just a little bit faster. and their kindness tells you it’s a haven you can share. 

IV. It tells you that you’re one of them. That you belong. That they accept you. It lies.

Every day, they lie and lie and lie, and nothing you say or do can make them admit that you’ll never be at home with them.