This is going to sounds weird but... I guess ... I just feel lonely.
Lonely as in... I just feel left out. I don't know how to describe it.
I just feel as though nobody wants to talk to me. They only talk to me if I start the convocation. But I never know what to say. So soon everybody gets bored of me. I can't blame them. I am a boring person. I just never know what to say. Ever. And when I get into a good convocation it just turns awkward. I'm the queen of awkward. If there was a competition of awkwardness... I would win! Yay!
And it's like people just avoid me. That's what I feel like anyway. Because some people say "Oh I'm going now, bye" on Facebook then they "log off" and I send them 'Ok bye' and they read the message... Even though they're offline... ?!??!
I feel as if I don't belong anywhere. I just want to give up. What's the point?
I know for a fact I'm not bello, or magnifico. And I never will be. I'm more of an brutto anatroccolo than anything. A brutto anatroccolo in the middle of a million cigni. So what the hell's the point of even trying to look bene? I just don't care anymore.
Most of the time I say this because It's instinct, but now, when i look at myself. I realise it's true. I try to distract myself from thinking it by singing or drawing or writing but I'm merda at all of them. So I sit and ask myself... why do I even bother?
I try to hide it through a smile but my smile becomes weak at times and everybody sees through the fake smile I plaster on my face everyday.
I try not to feel down, I mean I have amazing friends but... I think as soon as I leave school they'll all forget me. Some of them don't even bother saying hi to me when we pass in the hall... Already forgotten.
Lets just say... I'm not having the best of days
Becca x
