The Moonstruck Ages

nowhere close : may 4, 2018

how would the world be if it was nearly as perfect as you seem?
the way my arms wrap around you so tightly, it's almost like it's natural for me.
who knew that new york city is most beautiful when trapped in your eyes?
i thought of you as my saving grace.
i can recall all of your favorite things.
but if you really cared, you would be here.
i guess your selfishness has no end.
what about me makes me unworthy of your love?
you were yet another villain in disguise.
does that mean i'm calling myself a hero?
i don't feel safe opening up to anyone, it only backfires.
so i listen, hoping my advice makes my company important.
i have to keep reminding myself that i can never be what you need.
how can i be meaningless to you, i've given you my entire heart.
i know you're not good for me, but i choose to believe you can be.
i'm thankful you become my false sense of honey.
saying "you make me happy" is never going to be genuine.
we act like we know what love is, or at least to a certain extent.
the signals i'm getting are all mixed.
maybe somewhere deep down, you truly want what's best for me.
you just have a toxic way of showing your concerns.
i shouldn't rely on you when i know you never follow through.
i realize this is my karma from past events.
i've felt horrible about it over a thousand times.
when can i stop being punished?
i'm desperately caving in on myself.
making sure all the walls come down.
wondering what's it like to stand on stable ground.
i've been released from your deathly grip.
i hope you're wishing that i was still around.
if it were possible to drown in thoughts, i would've been dead by now.
a sea of blue waters swallowing me in.
purple waves somewhere in the distance.
we think we know it all, that we understand the rise and fall.
i see this place as both my prison and my fantasy.
somehow, i'm tethered here.
it's partly by choice and commitment.
otherwise, it's a lack of better sense.