Pacifier

// Van \\

"Van!" snapped Bondy for the third time, "Izzys home," he said and shocked me, her name all it took to leave me hunched over the table, hands gripping he edges so tightly that my knuckles were boney and white. Muscles tensed so hard it hurt as i looked up at the two of them from under the hair which had fallen across my face.

"Johnny..." i watched little Isabelle tug on her brothers sleeve, her youth overwhelming me, only fuelling the fire in me futher when I thought of the danger she had been put in today by none other than a family member herself. She said it again and i had to clench my teeth to restrain myself from lashing out again. Desperate to seem calm, to hide my rage, the violence i felt towards the world in that moment, though i knew i had already failed at that.

"hush tink," said her brother as he met my gaze, knew exactly what i was thinking, knew exactly how bad it was this time, "go to your room alright," i could tell he was trying to be gentle with her, because she'd seen so much this last week and we'd really dropped her in the deep end, but even he was struggling not to snap at her. Desperate for her to leave for fear that i would do something stupid.

"but..." her little voice squeaked, her eyes darting between me and her brother, suddenly wide and white when my eyes met hers and i spoke without thinking.

"Isabelle do as your brother tells you!"

And then she was gone, and i saw the tears burning in her eyes as she left not once looking back at me, the man who had, in that moment broken her trust and her heart for lack of self control. I couldn't bare it but I had to.

For a moment there was silence, the slamming of the door which lead up to the house sending a chill through both of us.

I thought i was going to be the one to break it but i couldnt, i was still shaking, adrenaline anger leaving me feverous with fury. I remained gripping the table, eyes set on the grooves in the wood, the chips in the varnish as i tried to hold myself together, to stop the guilt seeping in.

"Whats happened?" asked Bondy, about to repeat himself when i didnt answer but the raising of my hand shut him up.

"Don't," i said struggling to control the shaking in my voice.

So he didn't speak and i didnt speak and we remained in silence for another ten minutes whilst i tried to gather my thoughts and settle my heart.

After a little while i let out a sigh, let go of the table and stood up straight nodding to the bar.

"Right," i said, concentrating as i took a bottle of whiskey from behind the bar and poured two glasses. "I spoke to Ruby," i said but Johnny just nodded sliding his glass across the surface. That wasn't news.

"And?" he asked already knowing my answer.

"She won't tell us anything, she won't fucking talk,"

"Shock horror," mumbled Bondy, a small smirk on his lips because he was much better at hiding his frustrations than i was. "We'll know soon enough, you know the moment she senses danger she'll be back on the phone begging you for help,"

"thats the problem though isnt it, the stupid bitch wouldn't know this kind of danger if it knocked on her bloody door and introduced itself first, she's too stubborn..."

"Aye, but there's nothing you can do about that Van," sighed bondy leaning back in his chair, taking out a cigarette, offering one to me, "its just Della, poor lass,"

"and the bitch thinks she's protecting her... She doesn't give a shit about Della, just her precious fucking moral highground,"

"we know Van," Blakes closed the door to the study behind him quietly, "none of this is a surprise, I've sent the lads out lookin for her, if we don't get word of her she's safe, shes at home, Rubys just tryna rile you,"