Pacifier

🍒Della🍓

"You'll be reet yeah?" Sam asked Dean, they were stood close, serious, shoulders tense though I could tell they were both trying to smirk and joke through it. "It" being the knowledge that they were both targets now. That their necks were on the line.

"Dunna bother bout me like," his friend grinned back, his brave face gleaming.

I stood to the side, leaning against Sam's car. I was watching them with a content curiosity. Their friendship struck me as strange. Strangely familiar though I wasn't sure why.

Sam had thrown Dean's life on the line and Dean had forgiven him without a word. As if used to it. As if he wouldn't think twice about doing the same, as if he knew Sam would forgive him too.

It reminded me of Izzy, how me and her had always been until we'd been forced to part.

I often found myself thinking of her. When I'd been grounded by my Nana Ru I had envied her. Envied her and pitied her all at once, feared for her too.

It had always been me and Iz against the world and when I'd stopped going to school I'd known deep down that I was abandoning her. Leaving her to the mercy of those shitty Lewis lads and the girls who sucked up to them.

I'd never really forgiven myself for leaving her behind so easily and then Sam had stolen me away and I really hadn't had a choice.

I'd been dragged from my home in the middle of the night and not a single member of that family had come looking for me.

Perhaps it was because he was telling me the truth, though if it was I couldn't forgive them for leaving me out the loop and petrified. I'd spent those first few days convinced i would die at the hands of a Reid because they hadn't thought to tell me.

They'd stopped watching the house, stopped looking out for me. They'd just let him walk in and take me.

Now I watched Sam and Dean pull each other in for a hug and I wondered whether these were the types of things me and Izzy would just forgive.

Would she forgive me for having left her like that, would I forgive her for letting me be lost. Would she forgive me if I never came home?

Because sometimes when I looked at Sam, in those strange moments when the half of my heart that longed to trust him completely took over, the thought of staying with him settled me. The thought that one day he might drop me at my front door and drive away without looking back, disturbed me.

"Areet little one what ya waitin for get in," grinned Sam unlocking the car, racing round to his side so as to try and beat me to it.

I just smirked, waited to hear his door shut before I looked back to Deano and raised my hand, a still wave goodbye, before I slipped a hand behind my back to open the door.

When I slammed the door shut and sat back I turned to Sam with a toothy grin and shifted in my seat to sit legs crossed, facing him.

"Yous had better not sit like that the whole drive, you'll freak me out," he grinned knowing what I was going to ask him for before I managed to get the request out. "Your brother would kill me if he could see you now," he said chuckling me a packet of cigarettes, letting his eyes rest on me for a moment as we slowed at the end of the street.

I was sitting there, sunny with the afternoon, wearing his green and white striped tshirt as a dress, my legs tanned and warm with the sunlight through the window. My hair was a mess, falling across my face as I tilted my head to light up, but it was sleek and dark and it caught the light in that moment the same as my eyes which must have sparkled with the mischief he had grown too fond of lately because he held my gaze and missed his opportunity to drive onto the main road and we were left waiting again for the traffic.