Pacifier

🌼Isabelle🥀

I woke up in pain, in Vans arms, my head resting against his chest. He was already awake, actually it looked like his hadn't slept at all. He sat with his back up against the headboard, me cradled in his arms, his chest damp the same as my cheeks which were damp with tears.

"Shh," he whispered, tilting his head down to kiss my hair when I stirred, "stay still baby, go back to sleep if you can," his voice was gentle and soothing but it didn't change a thing, it didn't sooth the searing pain in my leg. "The shocks worn off sweetheart, it's gonna hurt now," he said. He sounded tired and when his fingers entwined with my hair and i felt him cradling my head in the palm of his hand I knew, we'd been sitting like this for hours. "There's no point giving you painkillers baby I'm sorry but you'll only sick em up," he said voice too laced with lethargy, almost like he'd been over this with people a hundred times before. Too many times to be tense. But it was calming in a way.

I was in agony but he wasn't scared. It burnt, the most painful thing I'd ever experienced and yet there he was, soothing and lulling me and laid back, half asleep. Mumbling quietly to me, yawning every now and again. It made me sleepy and calm too.

"Sorry," i sniffled trying to sit up in his lap only to be stopped by him, only to be readjusted so that I was exactly as he had held me before.

"Stay still babygirl," he breathed, "it'll get worse if you move," he sighed, "I'm sorry i cant make it go away," he said kissing my forehead again. "Won't leave your side until it does," he murmured, fingers stroking through my hair as he let out another yawn.

He was the polar opposite to the man he had been earlier that night. A man riddled with anger and fear. He was so calm now, so gentle and tranquil. Holding me there so carefully, as if I was the most precious thing in the world to him. I'd never seen him so quiet and careful, so delicate before. Cradling me to him, just holding me tenderly.

Van wasn't exactly known for being gentle and tender. Even with those he cared about.

"It burns," i was trying not to cry, trying to hold it in, my whole body tensing, ribs sort of shaking and tight with the strain of trying to pretend I was fine. Trying to brace myself against the burn.

"Shhh," he hummed, kissing my forehead again, a fine layer of sweat on my brow but he didn't seem to mind. "Go back to sleep baby, you have to relax, don't fight it ok," he said, stroking my cheek with his thumb, "I'm here I've got you," he said.

"You're tired Van," i mumbled but he shook his head.

"I'm not love dont worry about me..." but I knew he was lying to me, I knew he was trying to be strong for me. I knew I ought to let him carry on being strong too, that was who he was. Van Mccann, ruthless, fearless, he didn't need to eat or sleep, he could just be this way, always.

"You need to sleep too," i whispered, reaching up to trace the line of his jaw with my knuckles, "you should sleep."

"No," he said again quickly, his teeth grinding as he turned his chin up away for a moment resting his head firmly against the headboard, "I need to know you're alright," he said again and though I continued to argue he refused to relent, resting his hand over my mouth to quiet me. "belle," he sighed, "enough, dont worry about me darlin, I'll be alright," he said, pushing a kiss to my forehead, his lips lingering there, his eyes set on something else. Set intently on the door, concentrating on something. Like he'd heard something strange, like he expected someone to come in at any moment.

But they never did and he relaxed again, i tried to do as I was told.

"You're such a brave girl Izzy," he spoke softly. Tenderly. "I'm so proud of you sweetheart," he hushed me, wiping at the tears which still seeped from my eyes. Kissing them away softly, peppering his lips across my cheeks and my chin. "Listen to me Izzy alright, I need you to do as I say sweetheart, you need to sleep baby," he said lowering his voice, his lips to my ear, his words a gentle hum, "Youve gotta slow your breathing right down for me little one, you think you can do that for me, nice slow deep breaths, I'll do it with you, it'll help you sweetheart, promise," he said taking my hand in his, placing it on his chest so that I could feel the rise and fall of his ribcage.