Pacifier

🥀 Isabelle 🍒

"Baby you need to go to bed," said Van, his thumb brushing my cheek slow and steady.

With his forehead pressed to mine and his eyes closed he almost looked like he had found some relief, a little peace from the pain he'd been riddled with earlier that night.

We had been standing there transfixed by eachother, looking into one another's eyes like we were mind reading, for a little while. The tranquility that had enveloped us was strange, this simmering hush after the storm. Like cool water for a burn.

"Will you come with me?" I asked, hesitant to hear his answer because despite the peace we were treading water in i could see a darkness, a restlessnes flickering in his eyes. I wasn't entirely sure he had forgiven me for putting him through the chaos of the evening. I wasn't entirely sure he would ever forgive me for seeing him the way that he had been with the knife in his hands and the gun at his feet. The blood gathering about him like a swelling tide.

"Izzy," he smirked, a soft chuckle escaping him as his fingers skimmed my cheek and then my neck, down over my collar bone and then over my t-shirt and skirt where they stopped. Lingered for a moment. "Up," he said softly, eyes fixed on me patiently waiting for me to do as I was told but I didn't feel like being the weak one tonight.

"I can walk its..."

"Don't be daft love," he said quickly, dismissively, his hands getting a firmer grip about to lift me off my feet without my help at all.

"It doesn't even hurt..." I said, a lie, though I had already given in. The minute I had felt his grip squeezing me, the moment I had looked up and seen the determination in his eyes. A determination swelled with something that looked a lot like love.

"Don't lie to me baby," he smirked kissing the tip of my nose, "you're too sweet it doesn't suite you," he said and perhaps on another night that would have wound me up. Gotten under my skin. Made me feel like i had something to prove.

But tonight I'd seen the worst of the world and even if I didn't want to admit it to him, I felt a lurking fear tied up around my ribcage. I could tell I'd never feel the same again.

I didn't want to admit it, I wanted to prove him wrong, prove that I was old enough to understand, prove that I was a woman not a little girl, that I didnt need things hiding from me anymore. But I wasn't sure that I could handle getting my own way and I was quietly grateful, rushed with relief when Van shook his head, swept me up off my feet and refused to believe me when I told him I was fine.

"It doesn't," i said it again mumbled it into his neck as I nuzzled into him and gave myself up, still protesting as the calm washed over me with his arms around me.

It was as though with his touch, with my chest pressed against his and beating in time, i found peace. The adrenaline drained from me by his warm embrace.

I felt sleep creeping up on me, a sudden lethargy, a sudden exhaustion.

And my leg did hurt. It burnt ans ached, a deep muscular ache which built and throbbed into a sharp stinging. A hot sort of pain.

"Cmon," mumbled Van in my ear, "Bed," he said and I was secretly glad, holding back a small smile, that he wouldn't let me get away with putting on a brave face, that he wouldn't let me get away with those kind of lies when it came to him.

So I let him carry me up the stairs and when we hovered on the landing outside I listened out for Camille, wondering whether she really could have just gone back upstairs and fallen asleep, no questions asked. Wondering whether she would have kept whatever promises she made to Van and lied to my brother.