Pacifier

// Isabelle \\

The first thing I remember was a stir in the night. Something soft, something strange, something which crept out of the darkness, like boney fingers, like death, to stroke my cheek. Wake me from a dream I'd have rather remained in for the rest of my life because the second thing I remember was smashed glass.

I shot up in my sleep, eyes open, a gasp on my lips, sitting rigid in the most fearful of silences. My chest aching with the rapid beating of my petrified heart.

And then all at once the world fell down.

The curtains burst, the windows shattered, the mirror on the opposite wall cracked and bullets bounced back.

The room was dark but outside the explosions lit up the night.

It wasn't so much as a war but a storm raging outside, flashes of light and a spray of bullets which flew past and in the moment I felt the heat skim my cheek Van was on top of me and I was rolling over the edge of the floor in a tangle of bedsheets. I hit the wood with a thud drowned out by the ricochet of gun shots and when Van fell with me he landed over me resting on his elbows, almost crushed against me, his eyes wide as he craned his neck to look back over his shoulder. It took me a moment to realise that he was using himself to shield me.

"Wh..."

"Get under the bed," he said but I couldn't move. Lying on my back, chest on fire, frightened and frozen.

"Whats happening?" i gasped when he rolled off me and dragged me with him under the bed.

He held me tight to his chest with one arm, the veins in his muscles popping with the strain of the adrenaline coursing through his body.

"Its the Reids Mae," he spoke his voice reverberated, muffled by the proximity of us. He cupped his hand to my ear, "i need you to stay here alright.."

"Where are you going?" my breath shook, i could barely speak but Van didn't want me to speak.

"shush darlin, stay..." he said making a move to crawl away without me but I couldn't let go of him. My fingers were wrapped around his arm, clutching onto him for dear life. "Izzy let go of me," he said trying his best to speak softly despite his frustration.
Still it wasn't enough to stop me hearing it, that tone in his voice.
Having me with him was a burden an extra responsibility he neither wanted or needed.

So i let go and I did my best to be brave. To swallow down the sob rising in my chest. When i felt his grip loosen from around my waist i felt the fear take hold, i felt my bottom lip tremble as the gunfire continued but I didn't cry. I didn't dissolve.

I watched him crawl to the window on his hands and knees. I watched him reach for his gun and raise his hand slowly. He didn't fire at first.

For a moment the world fell silent. Outside I heard the barking of dogs, i heard footsteps on the cobblestones. I heard a shout from somewhere in the house.

I heard the door burst open.

"Van," my brother was out of breath. "Izzy isn't in..."

His shadow across the window set them off again. I saw him crawling on his hands and knees, gun in his hand, towards Van.

"Izzys under the bed," said Van.

The two of them sat either end of the window, taking it in turns to peer out, fire a single shot into the street below.

"Theres no one out there boys," Camille was cool as ever, i could smell the cigarette she had lit up and when I shifted carefully under the bed to reach for Vans tshirt abandoned on the floor earlier that night, i saw Camilles barefeet where she stood leaning up in the door frame only half dressed. As if she hadnt noticed machine gun fire. As if she had nothing to fear at all.