Our Secret | Taejin✔️

Admit It

Jin's Pov:

"How was your day?" I said as soon as he walked into the kitchen. He looked at me and smiled, his eyes were sad.

"It was okay. We are acquiring four smaller companies, and the acquisition is a mess, the teams can't seem to collaborate effectively to get anything done, and it's making my job harder in these meetings." He said walking over to me and embracing me into a hug, then doing what he usually does, he crouches down to my stomach and touches it, "how is daddy's girl, did you miss me? Are you good to your papa? I can't wait to meet you. Daddy promise he will give you the entire world. He is going to make sure you are never left with people he can't trust, no one will hurt daddy's baby okay. Papa and Daddy are going to love you a whole lot. I can't wait to hold you into my arms and tell you how much I love you." Once done, he kissed my stomach five times. "You will get six kisses per day when your papa is six months, okay." This was his daily routine when he got home. I found it cute, but it made me sad at the same time because it showed me he could be caring and loving.

He stood up and faced me, "How are you feeling?"

"I am fine," I answered abruptly.

"Would you tell me if you weren't otherwise? I read, and they said during this time of your pregnancy, you will have an increase in appetite and possible backaches. Are you having any of that?" He asks

"No, I am fine. No issues at all." What did it matter if he knew or not? Was I experiencing those things, yes I was, but I didn't want him to know about it.

"Please tell me if you are. I don't want you experiencing anything that I could help with that would potentially cause harm to our baby Seokjin. I am here for both you and the baby. I know you are still uncomfortable around me and that's why I have been giving you your space, but please I am the baby's father, I need to know if your pregnancy is coming along okay. My psychiatrist said I need to give you space and maybe get you to see a therapist, do you want to see one? I can get her to recommend one for you, one I can trust. I want to know what can I do for you to warm up to me?" I eyed him curiously, thinking if it is wise to say what I want to.

"Do you really want to know what you can do?"

"Yes, please."

"First, I want Jimin to be allowed over. It's boring here, I feel like I am losing my mind and it's just me and these walls. If I have to stay locked up in here might as well as I get locked into a psych ward. Second, I want you to admit it. I want you to admit you rape me and I want to know why you were like that towards me? You hit me, I am afraid of you, I am afraid you will do it again, so I want you to acknowledge that you did not punish me, but you raped me, I told you no, Taehyung, I begged you not to touch me, but you did. You didn't take me once, but multiple times against my will. I think I am only able to keep this baby because this baby was not conceived at that time, but before you did what you did. I have never had someone treat my body the way you did, and it hurts. Every time I sleep next to you, and you touch me, it hurts. I don't know how long this side of you is here to stay, and I am fearful, you are going one day explode and harm we worst than before. So I think before I can see a therapist or even warm up to you, I need to you to admit, and sincerely apologize for what you have done to me. Maybe then I can open my heart to try and understand you. I can't promise forgiveness, but I can try to understand why you did what you did to me." I was trembling a bit after I was done, I wasn't sure if I had triggered him, his expression was unreadable, but I needed to say it, I have to gain confidence and thick skin for my daughter's sake. If I can't stand up for myself, how will I ever stand up for her?

He buried his face into his hands, "Let me help you set the table, and we eat and talk." I complied with him.

Once the table was set and our food was shared out, he pulled my chair out, and I took a seat. He then took his usual place across from me.

"I don't want you to fear me. I grew up in fear, afraid, and frightful. I am sorry I did that to you. I-I a-am s-sorry...." He takes a deep breath, "I am sorry I raped you Seokjin. I guess I didn't see it as rape due to the arrangement we had. I don't know why I did it. I still struggle with it. I hate myself for it. What I did to you was horrible. I can't understand how someone like myself could do something like that or did something like that. I vowed to myself I would never be like them, but I turned around and did the same thing I swore I wouldn't do. You were right, I am a monster, a monster who suffers and hides behind two different personalities. My psychiatrist seems to think I never dealt with the pain of my childhood, so I created personalities as a coping mechanism to help me. When I tell you I am desperately trying to get help and change for you and our baby, I am. Although I know, it will take time. I was never eager to be rid of my past until I found out you were pregnant, I can't have my child seeing me as a monster. It's bad enough you hate me as it is.

I am sorry if I made you feel cheap or used. There is nothing I can ever do to take that feeling away from you. I think I make it worst by begging you to stay with me, but I am selfish. My love for you is selfish. I haven't touched you since we returned to Seoul, because I don't want you being scared anymore, it's not that I don't want you and I am not tempted by you, but I don't want to ruin any more of your memories of me. I have a lot of pain Seokjin, I am not saying it's okay for me to do what I did nor am I in a place to ask for your forgiveness, but please work with me. Can you help me? Or at least try? I don't want you walking on eggshells around me. I really do love you, I have never loved anyone besides our unborn child and my mother the way I love you. You are my light, my hope, my forever. I know, I might not be that to you, but I am working on it. One day, maybe you can say the same about me.

Jimin can come over. I trust Young, and if Yoongi trusts him, then I can tolerate him, he has been loyal to the company as well. I don't want you feeling like you are alone. You are not alone, I am here." He got up from before his food, walking towards me. Getting on both of his knees and bend to the floor; before getting back up to rest on his knees, "I am so sorry Kim Seokjin, I was wrong, I will try to be better. I can't promise I will be better because I have a long way to go, but I will try, can you please allow me the chance to try and be better for you and our daughter? If I fail and become a threat to you or our daughter, I promise you this, you can leave me, and I will never seek to come after you. I promise you that much. I can even have this legally drafted if you want assurance."

I look at him in shocked, Kim Taehyung was promising me freedom if he became a threat to his daughter or me. What do I do?