Our Secret | Taejin✔️

While It Pains Me

Jin's Pov:

I am not sure when I fell asleep, but when I woke up, I saw that Taehyung was up and looking at me. "how are you feeling?" he asked me.

"I am okay. My stomach hurts, but...I guess that's normal." he gave me a faint smile.

"Taehyung, I-I think I need some time to think. I heard what you said last night, and it was a lot. Really a lot to think about. I need some time to process and see where I want to go from here. I hope you don't think of me as being selfish, but I would prefer if Bleu stays with you while I work on a few things?" My heart and my mind were in two different places, and I needed them to be aligned somehow. I don't know how to do that, but I think having some alone time will help.

Taehyung chewed on his lip as he looked down onto the floor before looking back up to meet my eyes, "I understand. How long is some time? I am just asking because of Bleu, you know. I don't think of you as being selfish. It would be hypocritical of me to call you that." he began rubbing his hand together. I could tell he was out of place and didn't really know what to say to me.

"I really d-don't know. Maybe a week could be a month. I don't know Taehyung. I can take her with me if you want." I suggested.

"NO! I mean no, it's okay I'll keep her. Take your time. Jin I really hope you come back." he surprises me by falling onto his knees, "I know I said I wouldn't beg you to stay, but I am sorry for being selfish. I can't see my life without you. I was stupid and foolish for doing the things I did to you. I am willing to change Jin for you and our baby. I wish I could've changed before now so you wouldn't have to get rid of our other baby, but I promise you Jin, please give me one more chance. I know I messed up. I know I don't deserve you. I don't even deserve Bleu. But I promise if you give me one more chance, I will make it right. I will spend my entire life, making it up to you. Baby, I never meant to cause you pain, but I did, and it hurts me so much inside. I can't watch you walk away and pretend that it doesn't hurt. I am hurting so much right now. I feel empty inside Jin. Going home to our baby without you there, the thought of it hurts me so much. Especially knowing I am the reason for it. Jin, I love you from the bottom of my heart, and I regret everything wrong I have done to you. I wish instead of pain, I'd showed you love when I had the chance. I have been such a fool, an idiot to not realize what I had. I am ashamed of myself.

I know right now my words might not mean anything to you, but I promise if, given a chance to prove it to you once more, I will do right by you. I will love you the way you are meant to be loved and treated. I will put my family first and treasure your body. You are the love of my life, and that will never change. I know I had a messed up way of showing it, but please take time to think about this, and I hope when you have had enough time to think things through you'll come back to us."  Taehyung was in tears as he spoke.

I grind my teeth together and look the other way as my heart was aching at his words. I couldn't let him sway me back in that easily. I need time to thing. Why does this have to be so hard? Why is it so hard for the heart to let go when the mind knows it's the right thing to do? Or at least I think so, I don't know.

"Taehyung. I will think about it. Can you please go to our daughter?" I told him. I needed him to go before I breakdown. If he stays here like this, I think I will be forced to stay as well.

He looked up at me with tears in his eyes, "Are you really leaving me?"  It was like a kid asking his parent. I couldn't answer him. He looked at me and sat down on the floor, "but I don't want you to leave me."

The doctor walked in at our current state and looked at Taehyung in shock. "Tae, the doctor is here. get up." I said as I tried getting off the bed to pull him up.

"I don't care. I don't care what anyone thinks Seokjin. I only care what you think. I only care what you have to say." He said as he sat in the middle of the hospital room floor.

The doctor stared at me in shock, and I asked her to leave and come back later.

I got down on the floor with Taehyung even though it hurried like crazy to bend. "Taehyung, sweetie. Please give me a few days. If it's meant to be, it will be. I need some time to process everything." I leaned over and did what I know I shouldn't have, but I couldn't stop myself. I gave him a kiss, and he kissed me back with so much passion I never knew he had in him before as tears ran down his face.

Before I could love or accept Taehyung. I needed to understand myself and my pain. In doing so, I would find a way to love me, and maybe then I could love him and our daughter while being secure in myself. If, that was the way things were going to work out. If I returned.