Our Secret | Taejin✔️

Unwanted

Jin's Pov:

Bleu is now three months old. She gets cuter every day. She's rather very quiet and spends most of her time sleeping throughout the day. However, once her father gets in from work, she's all over him. It was clear there was a bond between those two. I could already tell who was her favorite. No matter what I did, I could never make her laugh the way he did.

Both Taehyung therapist and I noticed the difference the baby brought to Taehyung's life. He smiled a lot more, he cares about someone else's feeling, and according to her, he was opening up a lot more in their sessions.

I guess you could say we were making progress as well. He hasn't threatened me or put his hand on me. I think most of the time if he's angry, he releases that frustration through sex. Which isn't always a good thing, but I was learning to adapt. As well as I think he has learn the art of silence. I've noticed when he's angry he would disappear to my green room.

Although he was slowly changing, we have a long way to go, and I could see it as he hasn't fully opened up to me about everything. His trust issues are still there as well as some of my pain is still there.

However, Namjoon has been helping the past few weeks. He had reached out about the baby and was happy to know I had given birth. He also had exciting news. He was dating this new resident that started at his job. I was excited for him; he truly is a nice guy who deserves someone awesome.

He gave me tips on what to expect with Bleu at this stage as well as things I could do with her. I need all the tips I could get because being at home alone can drive one crazy.

As much as I won't admit it to Taehyung once he went back to work, I missed his presence in the house. It was nice having someone else over.

Namjoon got me into reading though; he said it helps to ease the mind from worries as well as keep me busy. I had gotten a kindle library and had a bunch of his suggested books that I was reading. It did work too. I have read so many books that I never imagined I would read in my lifetime. It's incredible how addicting a book can be. Once I finish a favorite book, I always feel empty, like something is missing until I move onto the next book.

Taehyung had noticed I picked up reading as even in the bed I would have my kindle app open and reading. Sometimes I'd fall asleep, and he would end up taking the phone out of my hand and fix me correctly on the bed. I told you he's been making progress.

Namjoon was coming to Seoul within the next two weeks as his boyfriend wanted to get to know the city side. He invited me out, and I wanted to go, but I am just not sure how I would bring that up to Taehyung. He didn't like him. Nor did he trust me around other men. Some odd reason Jimin was an exception. Even Hoseok he had his doubts with. I mean I only made out with Hoseok a few times, but that was way back and I sure he wouldn't have known that. Hoseok and I didn't see each other like that. We only experimented. Before Taehyung showing his true self, I was a free person; I did a lot of things that maybe my daughter would not be proud to know of and hope she never follows down the path I went down.

I get confused when it comes to Taehyung like I don't know if this is my life. He's the person I am meant to end up with. I've grown to like him, but the pain of what he has done to me is still there. However, the way he treats our daughter makes me see him in such a different way. Namjoon suggested I take him step by step and day by day. He believes if I get Taehyung to open up to me, I'd maybe understand him a whole lot more.

I wanted to try and do that, but I don't want to force him. I want him to heal on his own time, not my time. He keeps telling me loves me, but I am not sure he understands the true meaning of love. I have yet to say to him those words, and I didn't feel it to the core like I think I'm supposed to.

That's the same reason why I was hiding the fact that I am pregnant again. One, it's too soon after Bleu. Two, the first time it happens was a mistake, and this time around is certainly one. I don't know where Taehyung and I future lies, and having a second baby will only make things worse for me. I haven't told anyone, and I don't want to tell anyone. I sort of want to get rid of the baby in silence.

I love Bleu, I am happy she's changing her dad, but I Seokjin, cannot bring another child into this world with uncertainty. I'm already trapped at home with Bleu. Having a second child will only make me more trapped.

At Bleu's three months checking at the doctor which was coming up next week. I'd get to meet with the doctor myself as Taehyung have work so most likely I'll go alone. I'm hoping to have it done then. It was way too soon to have a baby, and unfortunately, Taehyung was not open to condoms or birth control. So I am learning to handle things differently, for my survival.

This will be my little secret that I will have to die with as I can't trust anyone knowing about this. I think I might ask the doctor too while I am there to tie my tubes as well. One child was enough.