Our Secret | Taejin✔️

Hurt

Jin's Pov:

Last night Taehyung had really gone out and got me my creme brûlée. He returned back with four, I only had three as I resisted the urge to have all four of them. I didn't realize how much I was really craving it until I had it.

Right now, I was with him at his psychiatrist office, we were waiting to meet with her. Well more so I, he had said, he would introduce us and then I could talk with her.

"Mr. Kim Taehyung, June is ready to see you." I looked towards the receptionist who was calling to Taehyung, "Let's go." he motioned, and I got up from my seat following behind him.

Once we got in the office, I was met with a black hair middle age woman. She seemed very sweet at a glance. "Taehyung, it's nice to see you. Who do you have here with you?" She asks, motioning towards me, "This is Kim Seokjin."

"OH," her eyes went wide. "Nice to meet you Seokjin," she said, getting up from her chair and coming towards me to greet me. "Hi, June, nice to meet you as well."

"June I brought Jin here because he wanted to meet with you to confirm somethings. I will leave you both. Please only talk about good things concerning me." he smiled at me.

"Are you giving me consent to speak to him regarding things you have shared?" June said to him.

"Share what you must."

----

As soon as he left the room, June asked me to sit on the sofa across from hers. "So, what brings you here?"

I explained to her what Taehyung had asked me and what I wanted in return before giving him that chance.

"You are brilliant and brave, do you know that?" She said, smiling at me, I just smiled back in return.

"Taehyung has been through a lot some of which I still don't know about. He recently started coming more frequently, before him finding out about you being pregnant, he visited me when something truly troubled him. Like when you would go on dates, it was always a trigger for him, but I guess because he saw you almost every night he used sex to take out his frustration on you. However, since he found out he is now becoming a father, he wants to change desperately. But it's not that easy. He has faced a lot of trauma and to cope with that trauma, he created an alternate personality. It's like you are dealing with the sweet and caring Taehyung and then the tough guy Taehyung. Sweet and caring Taehyung exist when he feels loved and safe. However, tough guy Taehyung, the one you see as the monster exist when he feels threatened or if he feels as though he is being hurt. He rather hurt you before you hurt him. He has had too much pain in life, that he does not know how to deal with any more pain, he prefers to create pain than to feel it. Emotionally he is exhausted.

You having this baby will do him a whole lot of good. He confessed to me what he has done to you. I am sorry you endured that. I can't choose for you and tell you to give him a chance, that's something you have to decide. Do I think it will be worth it if you do? Yes, but you will have to be prepared, as all it takes is one thing to trigger him. If he gets jealous or feels threatened, it will throw him off. Trust me, you don't want that. The only thing that saved you in Jeju from his wrath was that baby. He told me, and I know it too. It's hard living with someone like him, but he just needs healing. He has been proactive, he is here three to four times per week, which is more than he needs to be, so he is trying his best."

I held onto my stomach and contemplated what I wanted to do, "If I decided to give him a chance, do you have any tips on how I could calm his other personality if he acts out? He is extremely paranoid, and it's very evident he has trust issues."

"Good question. Show him, love. He needs reassurance, he needs to know you care. Even if you have to fake it until you feel it. The moment you do something that triggers him, hug him, touch him, kiss him if you have to. He needs affection. The more you resist, the more he thinks you are fighting against him, and that will make him want to be in control even more. Because he couldn't stand up for himself when he was younger, he believes he shouldn't lose now. He doesn't believe in being defenseless, he rather you hurt than him. It's not supposed to be that way, but that's how he has been coping. He has been through a lot Jin, I am not sure if he shared much with you, but he was abused a whole lot by people his parents trusted. He learned very young to only depend on himself. I don't want to share too much as I want for him to open up to you more and more. It's his assignment right now; to share bits and pieces of himself with both you and I. You coming here and being interested in understanding him shows me that a part of you care and that's what he needs the most. He needs to feel cared for."

"Wow, that's a lot to take in, but thank you June," I said, standing up.

"You are welcome Seokjin. I cannot wait to meet that princess, it's all he talks about. Stay strong and hang in there. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how crazy it may seem."

"It was really a pleasure meeting with you June. Have a wonderful afternoon." I gave her a bow and walked out of the room.

As soon as I walked out, Taehyung was sitting on the chair in the waiting room, shaking his leg and fidgeting with his hand. He didn't even notice my presence. "Hey, I am done." He jumps up immediately, "That took a while, everything okay?" he inquires.

"Yes, everything is good. We can go if you are ready now."

"Okay," he said his eyes were searching mines, I could tell he was trying to read me, but I didn't say anything to him.

***

We had arrived home, and I could tell Taehyung was somewhat anxious about wanting to know what I had to say after meeting with his Psychiatrist. He was moving around a lot.

I walked over toward him as he was currently standing by the window looking out and I took his hand and held it, he looked at me surprised, "I am willing to try, please don't make me regret it. I know you won't get it right immediately, and it will be rocky, but I want to try for the baby's sake at least."

Instead of answering me as I had expected, all I saw were tears flowing from his eyes. He held onto my hand and squeeze it, then pulling me into his arms and embracing me into a hug. He cried into my shoulder for I don't know how long. My back had even started hurting me. I brought my hand up to his back to pat it, but hesitated for a second, but as his cries got louder. I just said fuck it and patted his back, allowing him to cry. I don't know where I got the strength from to hold him or myself up, but apart of me ached for him. I wonder who made him this way, and why had it taken him so long to seek help.