Not Today

Chapter IV

Draco's POV

It finally came time for us to go back to Hogwarts, I was glad to get away from my father but sad to have to leave my mom with that disgusting man.

I grabbed my luggage and headed out the door with my parents, in public my father acted somewhat okay, better than at home, but honestly anything is better than at home.

We got to the Hogwarts express and my mom gave me a kiss on the forehead and told me to be careful and that she would send me chocolates every chance she could. I smiled at that. But then that nasty voice came at me you can't eat chocolates it will make you gain weight, your already so fat!

I held the smile on my face but it was fake this time. My father smiled at me and then sent me off. I got on the train and tried to look for an Empty compartment. There were none, the only place that I could sit in would be with Harry Freaking Potter, Granger and Weasel. Ugh.

I opened the door, "can I sit here there's no where else to sit" I asked quietly. Granger gave me a small smile and said "sure" I gave her a small smile back. I grabbed my bag and lifted it into the space above, and I guess my shirt lifted a little because Granger gasped and said "what happened to you back?!"

I put my hands done real quick "what do you mean?" I asked, panicking. If someone found out about my father he would kill me and I would be called weak. "You back is all scratched up and bruised." Granger said. "Oh uh, yeah I fell the other day" I said, making up an excuse. "That doesn't look like you just fell it looks like some hit you" potter jumped in the conversation. I flinched at that, "I just fell" I snapped. Potter and granger had a look of, worry maybe? Probably anger and disgust.

I pulled out a book from my luggage and took a seat in the right corner next to the window. Weasley looked a little confused as to what was happening. Then went to conversate with his friends, I continued to read my book about potions.

I looked up from my book hearing Grangers conversation with Weasley and Potter. It was about their fathers.

*flashback*

Twelve your old Draco stood there, Lucius Malfoy spewing rude comments out his mouth. "You are disgusting, I can believe you could have gained that much weight at just your first year there! You need to eat less, disgusting pig!" His father exclaimed at him.

He was talking about how at Draco's first year at Hogwarts he managed to gain 10 pounds, adding on to the 100 pounds he was, making him 110 pounds. It only got worse from there, every Hogwarts year he would gain some type of weight, because he was growing like everyone else. But his father made him think it was because he ate to much.

So when he reached about 13, he started to eat less, it just wasn't enough. So when he was 14 he started eating way less, maybe cutting his calories down to 100, when he was fifteen he would twice a week. Now he is 16 and eats but throws it all back up, plus more. Other times he doesn't eat at all, he got used to the feeling of hunger.

*end flashback*

*I forgot to turn off italics! But this isn't part of the flashback*

I didn't realize that i was subconsciously scratching his wrist, making it bleed, it started to go down my hand. I was about to stand up and go to the bathroom but the freaking trolley lady was in the way! So it took about 10 minutes for her to get to out compartment and another 5 for everyone to get their stuff. All while my arm was bleeding and almost dripping on the floor.

I got up and ran to the bathroom the moment i could, i locked himself in there and started to clean his arm up, I started to look at how scared my arm is, I guess that's what happens after 3 years of cutting, I also have them on my thighs and other arm, but that one isn't as bad.

Once I finished up in the bathroom I walked back to my compartment. "What was that about?" Potter asked. "Nothing. It was nothing I just had to go to the bathroom." I answered. "Well we have to change into our robes so Hermione is gonna go change somewhere else and we can stay here." He said. I got nervous, they are gonna see how fat I am and what my father has done, I can keep that hidden as long at I keep my back to the wall and no ones behind me. I can't be suspicious. They can't know!

They started to lock the doors and close the blinds, that's when I really started to panic, common sense kinda leaving and I started to wonder why they were closing everything, what were they gonna do to me? Tears started to form in my eyes.

Weasley looked at me, looking a little alarmed "what's wrong?!" Everything was going blurry and I started to go weak in the legs. Potter turned around to look at me. I was breathing heavy and crying and my chest hurt, the fact that I'm crying in front of Harry Potter and Ron Weasley not helping.

Harry rushes over to me, at this point I had sat down, "Draco I need you to follow what I do, can I touch your hand?" He asked, I nodded. He grabbed my hand, "breathe in and out, inhale for 5 seconds and exhale for 5 seconds, do this slowly." He instructed. I listened to him, slowly I calmed down. I felt someone pull me into a hug.

I was freaking out. Harry Potter, my long time crush was hugging me! I was freaking out on the inside, I still had tears streaming down my face on the outside though. "What set that off?" Harry asked.

"I don't know, it just happened" I lied. "Okay" he said. I saw Weasley sitting in the corner awkwardly, but also with a knowing look? Weird. Harry let me go "thank you" I said.
"No problem" he said back.

Granger cane through the door and looked at us weirdly "why aren't you guys in your robes?" She asked curiously. Harry looked at me as if asking to tell her. I nodded slowly at him. Somehow me having a panic attack brought us all closer, until they find out that I'm a death eater and weak.

"Draco had a panic attack and we aren't sure what brought it on but we were trying to help him" Harry said honestly. Hermione looked at them sitting close together and smiled a knowing smile, which I really didn't understand why but ignored it. "Does this mean we can call a truce?" She asked nicely.

We all looked around at each other as if asking- "where did that come from?" Ron asked. "Oh because you just seem like your getting along but we don't have to" she answered. There was a silence. I shrugged "I'm fine with a truce as long as nobody really knows about it" I finally said, breaking the silence.

Harry and Ron said "that's fine" Hermione squealed, "Yay!" We all kinda looked at her like she was mental. "What?" She said. "Nothing" we all said at the same time.

Hermione left for another few minutes so we could change, I did it with slight struggle but I managed not to let the other two see my back or arms, I was almost caught staring at Harry though, that was awkward. We all talked a little bit more and the conversation about our summer came up. I lied and told them it was fun and we went on a vacation in France for a while.

In reality I spent my summer getting beat and watching blood roll down my pale arms. It must be nice to have someone that loves you. Even Ron's life sounds good, he and his family don't use money to buy love they use it on stuff they actually need, instead giving each other love.

I felt jealous. But I smiled and acted like life was great, while wishing I could die. The train finally stopped and he wasn't expecting Harry to hug him, he jumped at first and then relaxed, hugging him back. "If you are ever having a panic attack or something's wrong please send me something" he whispered in my ear.

I nodded. He let go of me, I tried to ignore the feeling of sadness when he did. Hermione came up to me and gave me a small hug and Ron patted my head. I glared up at him. Keep in mind that I am quite short and he's tall he has at least 7 inches on me. He smirked at me and they all said goodbye.

I grabbed my stuff and walked out the train behind them. Feeling this speck of happiness. I walked until we got to where we needed to go. Just this little friendship was helping me go day by day.

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