Well, once again, its been a minute since I wrote anything. Maddie, I'm sorry for not continuously writing lol, but I'm in a much better place than I was months ago. I let go of the toxic people in my life, found a person who loves me the same way I love her. And I'm just living life in the moment! I'll quickly recap everything that happened in the last few months. So!! Remember that girl that I said was "perfect" and had a soft side of whatever? Yeah? Well, we dated, and as it turns out, when they hate relationships and don't care about others, they make a horrible partner. That was a wreck. I put in so much effort (and money) and I didn't do much as get a hand hold. I got an awkward hug and then got told that I was being used to "experience what a high school relationship was like". Sooo, I broke that off. Fuck that. I wrote a little song for it, but jesus, i was so mad. After that I fell into a really bad state of being confused and in need of attention. So much so that I started flirting for the hell of it, and in return wound up hurting a once friend, by luring her into a false attraction. It got to the point where we kissed and immediately afterwards it hit me what I was doing. I told her that we can't do this because it wasnt me, and we weren't compatible, that (for lack of a good explanation) I was thinking with my dick. She was the bigger person and wished me well on my journey for better mental health. After that scandal I took a month off of seeking a relationship, and focused on myself. I found solace in art and reading (what else is new) and by the time prom rolled around I was prepared to face whatever the world threw at me. Thankfully the world had seen me fail and threw me the best thing to happen to me since my awkward long distance crush. My current girlfriend. She was at the same point as me, been used by her ex, went into a slight craze in between the time we met, and decided to give dating one last shot. Thankfully we both did. I genuinely love this girl, and its stronger than what I had originally thought was love. its not lust either which is super cool!!! Because we actually share the same sense of humor and we have so much in common. My parents like her and her parents like me, its everything I could've ever asked for, and there's no way I'm fucking this up. Not now, not ever. She's too valuable to lose. And I do have to say, that my first love died out once my current girlfriend and I started dating. It was a weird realization. I looked in the mirror and said "she's moved on, and so can you." so I did something I never thought I'd be able to do. But I had to do it to prove to myself that I was over it. I blocked her. Not on everything, just her main account. I had to be able to press the button in order to finally move on from that crazy fantasy that I was living, and step into the role that is in front of me. I'm ready for the world. A caring girl by my side, who loves me, and who I absolutely love is all I need. I feel like I can overcome anything. She is my newfound motivation. Weather update over.
