I'm Not Your Toy

Movie Night

Lauren's POV

It's been about a month since I went out to breakfast with Camila and Ariana. Although I had a serious disliking towards Ariana at the beginning, she quickly started to grow on me. In fact, she has grown on the whole group, she's practically one of us now that the introductory phase is over and everybody started to get to know her. 

Looking back at it, the only reason I didn't like her to begin with was how fast her and Camila got so close. I saw her as a threat and my instincts were telling me that she was bad news. Ever since they said they weren't attracted towards each other and Ariana told me that Camila still had feelings for me, my resentment towards her disappeared. She is now my go-to person for whenever I'm feeling frustrated or stuck in some sort of a predicament with my roommate. 

Things between Camila and I have been going very smooth, but I feel too awkward to make a move on her. It is obvious that we still have a connection, that's been proven many times since all of us had breakfast together. We have movie night three times a week, and she always falls asleep right before the end every time. She always slowly gets closer and closer to me until her head slowly falls to my chest before she falls asleep. Every time... I make sure to savor those moments because she tries to keep a respectful distance from me every other minute of the day.

I've decided that I was going to rip off the bandaid at some point this week. I'm going to tell her that I still have feelings for her and see how she responds. No matter what, I want to take it slow this time. It seems like all of my relationships in the past have been toxic, including the end of the last time we were together. And what do all of those relationships have in common? I fell too hard and too fast, all while relying on the other person too damn much. 

It's kind of hard to break this cycle with Camila because we already fell for each other before. My feelings towards her haven't diminished at all, I've just been bottling them up for so long and feel like I might explode. We have the same friends, so spending some time apart with our individual friends is not an option. Although it looks like it may be impossible to break my cycle, I have to try. I honestly don't know if I can deal with another heartbreak, and that's the part that scares me. There will always be the possibility that we don't work out. If we do get back together and then split up, it could end up breaking me for good. I know that's selfish of me to think, but I have to take care of myself here. 

This time around (if my confession goes well), I want to savor every moment and stage we go through together as if it were the first time we were together. I know my self-control tends to falter around her, but I sure will try my hardest to obey my self-employed rules.

I decided that in order for me to have some self control is that I need to move out. I love staying here and finally got Camila to let me start helping to pay the rent, but normal couples don't start off living with each other. I just heard back from the landlord that owns Camila's apartment and it looks like there's a free space down the hall from where we are now. I can move in by the end of the week. Yes, we will still be extremely close, but it's still some space between us.

~ ~ ~ 

Tonight is the night. I have the night off and Camila just got home from work and is finishing up her shower so we can have our movie night. Sofi will be gone for a few hours, so we have no prying ears in the apartment. I'm planning on telling her before the movie so I'm not worried about it the whole time, and odds are that she will be asleep before it ends. I'm just tired of pepping myself up for it, only to talk myself down.