I'm Not Your Toy

The aftermath

The cut on Lauren's hand demanded stitches and a heavy wrapping. The only doctor that was available was called in for an emergency surgery, making it a typical hospital visit: hours of waiting around.

When she was finally cleared to leave the building, it was already 6:30 in the morning. She had to demand that Normani and Dinah go home to get some sleep as long as she promised she would call them when she got out and they would drive her home.

Despite her promise, she doesn't want to bother them and is in the need of clearing her head, so the long walk feels needed.

It's a beautiful day, the Florida heat finally began to cool down and the air feels less humid than usual. The beach always look beautiful at this time of the year, so that's the direction she starts walking towards.

The weather may be flawless, but the thoughts flying through her head at high speeds are most certainly ruining the experience.

That just happened. I finally saw her again after years of praying that it was all just a big misunderstanding. After years of being told that it wasn't, it was real and it was okay to feel betrayed. I accepted the fact that I will never see her again. I told myself that I didn't want to see her again.

She looked healthy. Her face looked mature. She looks much older, but not in a bad way, she grew into herself.

Why should you care, Lauren? She practically left you for dead.

But she looked like she has been doing good for herself. Her clothes were nice and hair was done perfectly.

Stop it. You're starting to spiral. She's a bad person.

I could feel the pain exuding her body at the bar. I could see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice.

Maybe it was just pity. Maybe she just wanted to tell me about all the great things she has done since she left.

Shut up. Just shut off your brain, damnit. I've been through this too much. I'm too tired to make any rational thoughts. Get to the beach, enjoy the sunrise, and go home.

She finally snaps out of her thoughts only to realize that she only has a block to go until she reaches the beach. They're still there, but they can be ignored for the most part.

She sits on the railing at the boardwalk and takes a deep breath embracing the salty air. It's so much better than the stale hospital air. Then she simply waits for the red ball to rise into the sky.

The beach is surprisingly empty considering the weather but the sound of a car alerts her of the first visitors.

Five more minutes and I will be walking back to my normal life.

She takes another deep breath. Sometimes you can let all your worries and concerns out through simple breathing.

"Lauren. I really need to talk to you." She was so focused on breathing and relaxing to notice the footsteps on the boardwalk. And that voice has been the one haunting her for years.

She should be mad like earlier and ignore Camila's request, but she feels calm. She turns around to see girl she used to think she knew so well. Except she didn't know her at all and she is no longer a girl, she really did grow into herself.

"You really hurt me, you know that?" Lauren looks down while reflecting over the years. "I had plans to propose to you. I only saw one future for myself and that was married to you." Lauren feels so childish for thinking about marriage at such a young age.

"I thought you were my only reason to live. What Dinah said was true, I had no reason to believe that there was a future for me. Dinah had me on 24 hour surveillance while forcing me to see Dr. Sullivan again until I felt a shred of hope." There is no verbal acknowledgement from Camila, she doesn't feel like she could talk if she tried. The lump in her throat and pressure behind her eyes are very persistent.