Mystrade Oneshots

35) Arachnophobia

Another day, another dollar. That's what most people thought at the end of their day. Not Greg Lestrade though, instead he thought: another day, another meeting with the single most powerful man in all of England. God was his life exciting.

He got out of the lift, had a very one-sided conversation with the secretary there and then stepped into Mycroft's office. Time for yet another very one-sided conversation.

Mycroft was sat behind his desk, as he seemingly always was, and didn't even bother looking up when Gregory entered. Mainly because he knew the man would be looking at him too, he'd steal a glance later when Gregory was on his way out. "Detective Inspector." He greeted.

Greg nodded back, not that Mycroft would see. "Mr Holmes."

"I assume you know why you're here."

"Yes, I do. You couldn't just send me a text or a postcard or something? It's a lot easier."

"I could." But then Mycroft wouldn't get to see hi- the detective inspector. "But I'd rather deliever news in person."

"First of all, I'm the one that has to make the trip. That's not exactly delivering. And secondly, if I didn't know any better I'd say you wanted to see me."

Mycroft desperately hoped that that was an attempt at humour rather than a genuine observation. "Don't be ridiculous. It's simply more convenient this way."

"More convenient for you, you mean."

"Precisely. Now the matter at hand is-" Mycroft paused, he noticed some movement out of the corner of his eye. He stared intently at the spot for a moment and cursed the low lighting of his office. He couldn't see anything, probably nothing.

"You alright?" Greg asked, trying to figure out what it was that Mycroft was death glaring at.

"Yes, fine." Mycroft waved a dismissive hand whilst making a note that Lestrade showed concern for him. "As I was saying, you really need to stop-"

"Stop what?" Greg saw that the other man had taken to looking at his desk again.

"Stop... OH MY GOODNESS!" Mycroft flinched back from his desk and backed up against the wall.

This was all much to Greg's confusion. "What?! What is it?!"

"THERE!"

"What?! Where?!"

"It's enormous!"

"What is?!"

"The spider!"

The look Greg gave Mycroft in that moment was one of both exasperation and amusement, Mycroft returned him one of disgust and utter terror.

Greg looked down at the desk and finally spotted the tiny little spider. It couldn't have been bigger than a pound coin, maybe even smaller than that. He got really close up to it to get a better look. "Hey little fellow. How's it going?"

"Don't talk to it!"

"I'm gonna call him Stanley."

"Just kill it!"

"He's not hurting anybody."

"That's what he wants you to think!"

"Mycroft. It's a spider." Greg gave the other man a deadpan look before returning to the little creature that was sat, quite happily, on one of Mycroft's books. "I'm sorry, is the big scary government official not being very nice to you?"

"Gregory please-"

"That's a shame. Don't worry, I'll make sure he doesn't hurt you." Greg was talking to the spider. "I can beat him with a newspaper if you like."

"Gregory if you come anywhere near me with a newspaper I'll-"

"Exactly Mycroft, it's not gonna hurt you. I'm not going to kill it just because you want me to."

The detective inspectors morals usually amazed Mycroft, right now however he was beginning to hate them. It was at that moment Stanley decided he'd make a break for it and headed off in the direction of Mycroft, much to that man's dismay. "Dear God Gregory! Get it away!"

"Alright, alright. Look, I'm getting rid of it." True to his word Greg grabbed the empty cup on Mycroft's desk and put it over the little spider. "There, all better."

Mycroft took a moment to observe that the spider was in fact stuck under the cup before he finally calmed down. "It is most certainly not 'all better' but I guess it'll do."

"If you don't approve of my methods take it up with head office." Greg replied, like there was an office for spider catching.

Mycroft eyed where Stanley was sat in disgust. "I'm never drinking from that again."

Greg smirked to himself. "I'll leave you to suffer next time then shall I?"

The look of betrayal that flashed over the government officials face was everything Greg had hoped and more. "You wouldn't."

"I would if I don't get even a shed of gratitude." Greg replied. He knew how to deal with Holmes' and their issue with basic human manners.

"I-" Mycroft weighed up his opinions and eventually decided it was easier to just say thank you rather than risk this event occurring again in the future. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now what was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

The rest of the meeting passed pretty smoothly and apart from one instance when Stanley got very excited and tried to break through the glass, Mycroft's nerves were intact.

After being sworn the secrecy about the whole thing, Greg left, taking Stanley with him and putting him on a bush outside before walking off to find some sort of spider catcher for Mycroft, just in case this happened again.

Now Mycroft had hoped that his secretary didn't hear his shriek earlier because he's not all together certain that she's above teasing him about it, or telling other people.

She must have told someone though because if Mycroft ever finds out who's leaving little plastic spiders in his office then they will be very sorry. Unless it's Greg, in which he'll probably just ask him to stop and try not to blush while he does so.