The Protagonist

Lone Soul

Without any reason, I feel intensely sad.
Just I, only myself, in a cold, dark room,
With silence filling up the air.

I used to be a man of humor.
But as I age year by year,
I've forgotten how to laugh.
You know, that happiness
Where your stomach muscles ache
'Till you can breathe no-more.

Now all I know is to hold back my tears;
Superseding sadness and pretending I'm ok;
Being fine like having a convincing face plastered with a smile,
A fake one that covers a tired, lonely soul.

There're some people who gave concern to me.
Those who comforted me in times of these episodes,
But I don't know if they helped, because I can't feel any love.
Every "cheer up!" means nothing but void.
I feel empty, just an abyss of meaningless sadness.

Every time I am like this, I can't sleep;
Often accompanied with series of overthinking.
The anxiety that doubles the heaviness of the burden
Depression gave me. I'm suffering like hell in my mind.
I want to rest but can't help but stay awake and wait
For this moment to cease.

Just so you know, I am a funny guy, so as my brain.
It makes fun of me, telling I'm useless;
That I'm enough to be rejected, unloved,
And thrown away from those people who cared for me.
All these self-mutilating thoughts that I always carry.
Even for another tomorrow, I remember the pain;
The hatred that makes me hate myself even more.

Don't get me wrong, but I love myself.
Or maybe 'I used to' when those uneasy times
Take over my present moments. I just want to end this.
Should I end myself? Probably not.... for now.