Must Be Love

Listen Before I Go.

Freddie's P.O.V
Rog was gone. I didn't know where he was or where he went. He hadn't showed up for band practice, he wasn't like that.

Sure he overslept a couple of times or he was at some random person's house but usually he was there within the next hour.

Missing three days of band practice with no warning on where he went? Out of character. Brian and John were ringing him constantly to no avail. His car was still parked in the driveway of his flat!

We all thought he was away and forgot to tell us, so we left it. Worst mistake of my life. I thought about calling his parents but didn't in the end, I don't know what I was thinking.

I got a cab to his flat and used a spare key to get inside. It was rather, clean. Lola wasn't there either, maybe he got away for sometime?

"Rog?" I called up the stairs, poking my head round the door. No reply. I carefully shut the door behind me and made my way upstairs. His bed was made and his curtains drawn.

His guitar was hanging on the wall where it usually was, his desk was tidy and the floor was spotless.

It all felt so.. weird to me. Roger Taylor? Cleaning up his flat before going away? Ridiculous!

"Roger?" I called out again, and no reply like last time. The kitchen was clear and so was the living room. Everywhere was spotless.

I checked back upstairs and found a note underneath his pillow. It was a phone number, it said at the top on scrawled writing.

'Big Bathens'

I stuffed the note into my jacket pocket and quickly put the duvet back over the pillows.

"Rog! C'mon this isn't funny anymore!" I bit my lip, he still wasn't responding. Maybe he wasn't home after all.

I dialled the number on the note I found. I anxiously waited in silence as I held the end of Roger's phone up to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Lawrence?" I asked, I knew recognized the name Bathens from somewhere.

"Freddie? Wow, it's been ages since we spoke. How you been?"

"Not bad. Listen, have you seen Roger recently?"

There was a long pause.

"No? I haven't seen him for days"

My heart stopped. I assumed Roger was staying with a friend.

"Really?" I asked even though it was a dumb question.

"Yeah, he just dropped off Lola at my house one night and said he'd be back by morning but he never showed up"

I bit my nails, the black nail polish peeling off and into my mouth.

"Any idea where he went?" I asked nervously, he hadn't taken Lola with him.

"No, I thought he'd be with you"

We both were quiet for a minute or two.

"Fuck. Well, anyway I'll talk to you later" I murmured into the phone, lifting it off my ear and placing it down.

I walked back home, despite it being an hour away from Rogers flat. Mary was away with her friends down in Norfolk.

I flopped down on the sofa, my feet hanging off the edge. The silence welcomed me like a warm blanket on a cold night.

"Oh Rog" I murmured quietly, the dimly lit flat being reduced to darkness as I slipped into unconsciousness.

I was woke up by obnoxious ringing filling the apartment. My cats were watching the phone shake on the windowsill.

I rubbed my eyes and slid my feet off the side of the sofa. I groggily walked over to the phone and picked it up.

"Hello?" I groaned into the phone.

"Fred?" A quiet voice asked through the speaker.

"Rog?" I snapped out of my daze and gripped the side of the windowsill tightly "Where the hell are you?"

"Listen Fred, I'm sorry for not being at band practice but please just listen, I'm leaving soon"

"Leaving? What are you on about Rog?" I hissed angrily, he worried me sick and now he's calling me at some ridiculous time in the morning.

"I'm not getting anywhere. I'm sorry for being a shitty friend and boyfriend. Leaving you for Kira and just being an awful person. I can't live with my mistakes anymore"

"Rog? Are you okay?" I asked softly, his voice sounded like he was trembling and on the verge of tears.

"Paul he.. He raped me Freddie. I had it happen to me before, why did it happen again?"

"I didn't know Paul raped you Rog" I whispered "I'm sorry"

"Nothing helps, the drugs, the alcohol, the women. I'm ruining myself and them. Sorry, there's no way out"

"Rog.. Please, what are you doing?" I begged, salty tears forming in my eyes as I shakily held the phone up to my ear.

"Ending it all Fred. I live a fruitless existence and I take advantage of other people to make myself feel better"

He paused for a minute. I held a hand over my mouth, tears freely pouring from my eyes as I held back strangled sobs of desperation.

"Heh, I guess you can find a better drummer hey?"

"Roggie please don't."

"Tell my friends and family that I love them and I miss them. That I'm now sorry"

I didn't respond. My vision was blurred with tears and the phone was slipping through my sweaty palms.

"I love you Freddie, I've loved you since I met you in Uni. Lola's in a good home now with Lawrence and I'm sure the world will be a better place without me"

A long silence followed.

"Goodbye Freddie, I love you"

The dial tone followed, I choked on my own sobs as I dropped to my knees. My body too weak to hold itself up. I curled up in a ball on my floor and rocked back and forth, whimpering 'Roger' over and over again.

I lay like that until I cried myself into a deep sleep, curled up on the carpet with Tom and Jerry by my side.