Double | Steve Rogers X Female Reader |

Part 7

You slid down your door and looked down at the soup in your hands.  Your appetite was nowhere to be found, after that moment with Steve, you felt even more guilty than usual.  Every nice thing they did for you, made you feel worse and worse.  You were betraying your family when all they did was care for you.  "Hey JARVIS?" You asked pushing back the tears tempting to fall. (A/N: This is taken place after Ultron but I like Jarvis more than Friday so, we're sticking to him.)

"Yes, Ms. L/N?" The AI's voice sounded through the room. 

"Can you play some music?"  You asked wanting to take your mind off of the team.  Of course, that didn't work when JARVIS spoke again.  

"Would you like me to play Mr.Stark's recommendations?" Of course, his music would scream Tony.  Which means keeping your mind off the team wasn't really an option at the moment.  

"Sure why not,"  You smiled as AC/DC's Back in Black blasted through the speakers.  "Could you keep it a volume the team won't hear?"  You asked   

"Of Course,"  He said, you just let out a small smile, "Ms. L/N?"  

"Yes JARVIS?"  You asked in a patient tone.  

"I have just been notified that Mr.Stark saw what happened between you and Captain Rogers,"  

"How'd he find out JARVIS?"You ask anger and nervousness boiling up inside of you.  

"Ms. Romanoff asked him to check the footage, this is what he found,"  You scoffed. 

"Would you Notify Stark that I will be coming down to the Lab?  Also, find Natasha, ask her to meet us down there as well?"  You asked 

"Certainly,"  You took a quick look around and made your way to the lab, passing the other Avengers along the way.  

"Feeling better, Y/N?"  Nat smirked, you ignored her and continued walking.  But you slowed for a moment, answering her question.  "Not mentally I guess, my cold is fading though,"  You said, you then quickened your pace and walked down to the lab. 

"Stark,"  You growled angrily.  

"So, a cold was it?"  He asked not taking his eyes off of whatever he was tinkering with.  

"Dammit, Tony,"  You placed your hand on your hip and shook your head.  Keeping your eyes trained on the floor.  

"Well? Going to answer the question?"  Nat asked walking into the lab, only a few moments after you did.  

"I don't have a cold, although I'm in deep conflict with my mind okay?"  You sighed crossing your arms.  "I needed some time alone, and I didn't want you guys questioning why..."  

"Well it seems Rogers helped with that,"  Nat said 

"Only a little,"  You glared at her, but then your mouth formed into a soft smirk.  

"Well, what is it that you are so conflicted with?"  You looked over to Tony who was now wiping his hands with a white hand towel. He was now walking toward you, trying to get closer to the conversation.  

"Nothing I can't deal with on my own,"  You said, you knew they were worried, which made you even more guilty.  

"Fine,"  Stark said walking back over to his project. "But if you ever need to talk, you know I'm here,"  You smirked 

"Okay, I'll talk to the one with the most baggage,"  You just gave you grin, knowing completely well that you were joking.  "Thanks, Tony,"  You said, this time in a more serious tone. You turned and faced Natasha.  

"I don't care what you do with Steve,"  She said throwing her hands in the air. "Just make sure that you keep it in the comfort of your designated bedrooms,"  You feel you cheeks become warm.  

"It was just a kiss, doesn't mean we're going anywhere,"  You said that, although you longed for his touch again.  But this time you wanted it elsewhere.  

"We all know he had a thing for you, and we know that he knew you liked him as well.  That's why we were all so confused as to why he didn't make any moves."  Natasha said, "And Y/N, that was not any regular kiss, that was a full-on make-out session." She said a sly grin on her face. 

"Really? It's not going anywhere?"  You turned around and found Steve leaning in the doorway. He simpered looking proud of his comment. 

"I... I don't know if it is or not," You said looking over at him, dead in this eyes.  You wanted it to, desperately, you wanted his touch and for it to be yours and only yours. He walked toward you, not breaking your gaze.  He touched your arm gently, and all you could let out was a small fraction of a gasp. His face broke out into a small smile, one you could tell he let slip.  

But you pulled away from him, you sharply turned your shoulder from his body. You couldn't do this, you couldn't betray him even more than you already were.  And if you were to become any more than what you already were, then you could hurt even more than you already were. 

"Y/N?"  He asked, a confused look on his face.  It broke your heart to see it, but you continued walking out of the lab anyways.  "Y/N!"  He yelled, but it still sounded soft when he said it.  He ran after you, looking back at Tony and Nat for a moment.  When he saw them shrug, he continued to go after you. 

He followed you into your room, studying you as he did so.  He closed the door still keeping his eyes aimed at you.  

"What happened?  What did I do wrong?"  He held you closely worried he did something to scare you.  You stifled your sobs in his chest.  

"You...You didn't do anything wrong, Steve, in fact, you do everything right. I, on the other hand, don't.  I'm, not a good person Steve,"  

"Of course you are! You're an amazing person Y/N,"

"I'm not, you haven't seen certain sides of me.  I'm a monster, I've done terrible things."  You once again pulled away from his body. "I don't deserve this,"  You motioned around the room, spinning taking in everything in your large bedroom.  "I don't deserve you! Or your touch! I don't deserve our friendship! I don't deserve anything Steve,"  You said, "All my life I have worked for Hydra. I have done horrid things, I have killed people Steve.  Innocent people who didn't want anything but a life, and I ripped them from their dreams." You ran your hands through your hair and tugged on the strands.  You couldn't catch your breath. Where did my breath go? You thought to yourself.  How the hell do I breathe?  What was going on? Your head began to feel light, and your lungs burned, aching for air. 

"Y/N, calm down..."  Steve said trying to take you into an embrace again, trying to calm your nerves.  You brushed him off, waving your hands as you finally gained control of your breath. 

 "Captain Rogers, Y/N, you are needed in the lounge,"  JARVIS' voice sounded through the room, you looked over to Steve.  The man gave you a questioning look, you gave him a nod and went for the lounge.  Taking in one deep breath before you opened the door, you never wanted to feel that again. The feeling as if you were suffocating in a room full of air. 

You took that breath as if it was your last.  

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Word Count:1240

Okay so Im like really proud of this chapter! I dont know why, but I put a lot of work into it for some reason.  I hope you enjoyed it as much as did, lol.  Make sure to Vote and Comment.  Let me know what you think! I love feedback! Bye lovelies!