i made some edible butter
it doesn't seem like much, but it's enough for me. i put the butter into gel capsules, to make it easier to take
at first, just one pill was enough to keep me high
swimming in dizzy to make better
one edible pill after another
higher and higher i just can't reach the peak
my eyes are so red and my head is misty
sobriety is a rare occurrence
i can't find enough to eat
the bathroom is nice and cold but i stood up too quickly
black stars are swirling in my eyes
just to overwhelm my senses
i feel pain as my vision clears
i'm laying on the floor and my roommates are calling out
am i ok? i'm honestly not sure all i can hear is static
i stand again
fall again
one to the other my body shakes
my vision has a film of white
i feel sick i can't stand up
throwing up always hurts when you have nothing in your stomach
i stumble to my bed
i can't hear out of my left ear
is that bad?
all i can do is sleep
the emergency room is too expensive
isn't it a fun game? wondering when your next mood swing will hit?
wondering who secretly despises you (is it everyone)?
isn't it a great time, comparing yourself to an unattainable perfection, the ideal you, before crumbling down when you can't reach it?
don't you wish you could be a narcissist, and love yourself as much as i do?
