i'm too twisted to love [correctly/softly]
God is clutching at my heart so tightly that it bleeds through my ribs and drips out of my eyes, gushing at every fourth beat
i just have to be pure in my actions, clean in my interactions, but you must know as well as i do that there's something beneath my skin clawing and digging it's way out
[jealousy/bitterness/possessiveness/cannibalism/obsession/desperation/desire/hunger/pain/love]
one night i was eaten by a [spirit/angel/god] and since then worms have danced in my muscles, tasting my veins
it's better to love me like this (from a distance)
where my stubby nails can't grasp against your shoulders in wracking devotion and dependence (where i can't infect you)
[i am a plot of compost that God is using to conduct emotions in His great mind / i am a node on a railroad track that God uses to send an emotion from one corner to another]
but still but still but still
my head is filled with thoughts of holding you, where we're old and watching the beach grass dance with the clouds gathering over the sea
(my head is filled with thoughts of violent repentance and tearful screaming, oh how can i ever be worthy of a gentle caress?)
how can i learn before hugging you for the first time? (how can i learn if they aren't you?) how can i replace all of my skin and mind with art?
i want to be a reflection (a physical rendition of self love, for you) for you
i don't know how much longer i can pretend to be human
my face is splitting open
